Scribbled Inklings

Slow and Steady...

2011-10-17T09:51:00.002-04:00

Hi there!

It has been RE-E-EALLY long since I've posted on here, and I apologize - I've mainly been preoccupied with my other blog, The 31-Year-Old Virgin.

But now I have an update for all of you who are more interested in my career than my dating life - my short film, e.e., that I've been working on for the past 2 1/2 years, is almost finished: we just need to score it and do title design.

But we've run out of budget :(

So please please please check out the RocketHub campaign I've started, and if you decide to support us, you'll get some nifty gifts!

(Just in case you don't like embedded links, here's the URL: http://www.rockethub.com/projects/3559-e-e-a-short-film-that-could-use-your-help)

I'd super really intensely appreciate your support, since this project is special to me (it's inspired by the life and poetry of e.e. cummings).

Thanks!

Diane

PS For those of you wondering what RocketHub is, it's similar to Kickstarter, a micro-financing or "Crowdfunding" site for creatives. The only differences are that you don't have to be American to use it, and you get to keep whatever money you raise (even if you don't raise your goal - they just take a higher fee, is all).

Addendum.

2011-05-01T21:42:00.002-04:00

Woops. Didn't think I'd get so much response to my previous post. And instead of just answering questions in the comments, I thought I'd address them here. (So much for not giving TMI...)

One very important question was brought up: whether or not I'd made this decision about my diet due to a doctor's recommendation.

The answer is: sort of, but not really (not yet, anyway). I've gone to my doctor a couple of times to try to figure out what's going on in my insides, and nothing has been concluded yet. And now, being in the midst of the film festival, I haven't had the chance to go back to her yet.

However, after discussing my symptoms with friends who have gluten intolerance, I realized that something is going on that is similar to what they experienced - but I know it's not "just" (wrong word) a gluten intolerance.

I know this because I had already discovered, on my own, that I needed to avoid things like apples and artificial sweeteners (anything with aspartame makes my stomach upset). I also already knew chocolate wasn't a good idea for me, but I really am addicted to it, so I ate it anyway....

So, basically, I've been searching for what's going on, and I think I've hit upon what it is - and, if I'm right, it'd make a lot of things in the past suddenly make sense (like the severe bouts of fatigue, during which I'd sleep for sometimes more than 18 hours at a time and still feel exhausted - or the decade of depression I went through - or even the times when stress caused me to be nauseated for months at a time, leaving me unable to eat).

I hadn't looked into what was going on before because I had taken it to be normal. For example, my doctor, the first time I met with her, asked me if I experienced acid reflux or heartburn, and I said no - I thought I'd only ever had heartburn once.

But then, after cutting out a lot of this stuff this past week, I had a day or two where I actually felt different - and then how I normally felt came back, and I realized I actually experience a bit of acid reflux pretty much all the time. I just didn't know it, because it was normal to me.

(Have you ever felt something for so long that you didn't even know you were feeling it? Until someone came and described how you felt, and you thought, "Hey! That's how I feel all the time! You mean that's not normal?!" My life seems to have been a series of these epiphanies, both emotionally and physically...)

Anyway, I think I was framing things with negative language in the last post, instead of talking about the things I can still eat, like:

*meats like fish, chicken, and pork

*grains like rice, quinoa, buckwheat, millet, and amaranth (apparently spelt IS NOT gluten-free, though)

*from what I see online, some of the vegetables to avoid while fresh are OK when cooked

*I can also have fruits like strawberries, blueberries, mangoes, etc.

I also make sure to take a daily multivitamin, as well as acidophilus.

Finally, I definitely plan on going back to my doctor as soon as I can next week, to discuss these things with her.

I'm also going to ask her to refer me to a gastroenterologist, so I can get an official diagnosis.

And then I'm going to have the gastroenterologist refer me to a nutritionist, just to be safe.

Ultimately, I think I'll be able to add some things back into my diet eventually (I think I'm actually OK with gluten, so hopefully I'll be able to add it back into my diet in the future).

Thank you all so much for your concern! I hope I've made you feel better. ;)

DCH.

My belly hates me.

2011-04-30T20:04:00.000-04:00

Without giving TMI, I want to apologize to anyone who's going to host me for dinner any time in the future.

Due to stomach issues I never really paid attention to until recently (combined with my previous ethical eating decisions), I am now going on a super-restrictive diet:

*No gluten allowed. This means no wheat, barley, or rye. (Good thing I don't like beer - but it's too bad for my love of bread, pasta, and all things carb-related...)

*No dairy allowed. (Since I was avoiding it anyway for ethical reasons, this isn't too bad, but I really do love milk and cheese, and would have it whenever I could get organic versions of it...)

*No red meat allowed. (Farewell, Hero Burger!)

*No chocolate allowed. :( :( :( :(

*No alcohol allowed. (!)

*No caffeine allowed. (I don't drink coffee or pop anyway, so this isn't too big a deal - I'll just avoid chai from now on.)

*No carbonated beverages allowed. (Meh.)

*No artificial sweeteners allowed.

*Avoid fat as much as possible.

*Avoid vegetables and lentils like: cabbage, broccoli, cauliflower, bell peppers, beans, onions, carrots (?) (and more)

*Avoid fruits like: bananas, apples, cherries, oranges (?) (and their juices)

And that's about it. But it doesn't leave much, does it? I mean, it should be good for my waistline, but I really love to cook, and this is going to create some challenges (I foresee a lot more fish in my future!).

Anyway, I'll probably try going off all of this in a really strict way at first, then try reintroducing some of this stuff back into my diet to see if I can handle it...

So.... yeah... I apologize in advance to anyone and everyone who might have me over to dinner in the future. When I was restricting my diet for ethical reasons, I made exceptions whenever I was a guest - but now that it's actually also for health reasons.... Sorry :(

DCH.

What My Life Is Like Right Now:

I am currently answering phones and selling tickets to documentary films at North America's largest documentary film festival.

It's pretty amazing how crazy people can get about documentaries.

And along with working 5 days a week doing that, I'm also working on my days off at my part-time job at the bookstore, just to keep that job.

So, in essence, I've been working 7 days a week since March 15th (about 7 weeks!).

I am so looking forward to sleeping in on May 11th! And May 12th. And May 13th...

"Done."

2011-04-21T12:58:00.000-04:00

If I could type air quotes, that what those would be. (Or, as Gloria on MODERN FAMILY would say, the air bunnies.)

I have "finished" my second draft of my pilot, LUCY GRIER. It has been sent to some of my grad school friends for them to read it and give me their feedback.

Then I will polish it and send it out to see what happens..........

We'll see!

DCH

Something about me that you should know:

It's my birthday this Saturday. This is key information. Write it down for future reference. I understand why you didn't get me anything this year, but next year? I'll be waiting for your package.

Eek! An Unintended Hiatus...

2011-02-28T14:58:00.000-05:00

Well. Yikes. I'm sorry. I can't believe it's been about two months since I last posted on here...

I got sort of lazy, I guess. And distracted.

Here's a quick run-through to get you up-to-date:

- there was Christmas

- then there was New Year's

- I got fired from one of my part-time jobs (not horrible - more like when you're dating someone you're not that in to, but then they break up with you first...)

- as a direct result, I decided I'm going back to working for that same big documentary film festival I worked for last year (my contract starts in two weeks)

- I'm almost done this second draft of my pilot, LUCY GRIER; soon I'll be sending it out to friends to be read again

- I GOT MY FIRST-EVER PAID WRITING GIG!!! (It's just narration for a corporate video, but at least now I can say I'm a professional writer.)

- I started a new blog about my dating life, called The 31-Year-Old Virgin. People seem to like it so far.

- I "won" my Oscar pool (thanks to help from the New York Times - although, technically, I came in second - but the winner was my friend who was running the pool, and owned the bar we had our party in, so he decided to give the prize to the person who came in 2nd...). This means I got a bunch of free movie vouchers - guess what all my upcoming dates will be revolving around? ;)

And that's about it. Stay tuned; I'm going to start updating on here more regularly again.

DCH

A really good explanation for why CBS has cancelled the rest of this year's season of Two and a Half Men:

Reminiscing.

2010-12-20T15:54:00.000-05:00

I have today off, and have spent some of it working on the second draft of LUCY GRIER (and intend to continue working on it), but thought I'd take a break and blog. Haven't done it for a while.

Lately, I've been reminiscing a bit about the past.

I mean, being of a certain age, you kind of do that a lot anyway, but it's been especially prominent lately. I think because I reconnected with someone I vaguely met over a decade ago, and our common (but brief) experiences have dug up some dusty memories.

It's hard not to get trapped in your memories - or to let them make you question everything about the path you're on now.

For instance, (re-)meeting this person has made me think about my time with a certain ministry that is almost (but not quite) a cult.

It's very confusing, the emotions this period of time brings up, because I was one of the ones who didn't realize the true nature of this place until a decade after the fact, so I was very happy while I was there. Some of my best friends came from that place, and I have quite a few fond memories.

But then there's the new and fresh bitterness and distrust of the teaching we got while we were there, and the vague wondering about everything that I have built into my beliefs since then - how can I test them all and make sure they weren't built on that false foundation? I *think* everything from that time has fallen away since then, but how can I be sure?

The same goes for when I think of past (almost) romances. One in particular, which was the closest I ever got to having a boyfriend. (Yes, you read that correctly - now move along.)

Thinking of him still brings up anger and bitterness, if more mild than it used to be. Yes, I have forgiven him - but how can I be sure that my new contentment with being single doesn't directly derive from cynicism or distrust espoused by him and the devastating hurt he caused me?

Or the lack of others to take his place?

Anyway, it makes you wonder if you're on the right path. Have I consciously chosen where I'm going and what I'm doing? Or am I just floating along, letting whatever come that may, and living a life of pure reaction?

I want a balance between the two - conscious choice married to flexible reaction. But is that what's happening? Or have I been caught up in the busyness of everything, resulting in a life devoted to nothing in particular?

(Whoah. Heavy. And I swear I haven't been drinking at all today. I'm also in a pretty good mood.)

Just been thinking, is all.

DCH.

What I'm listening to RIGHT now:

"Death And All His Friends" by Coldplay. (I was purely listening to all my Coldplay songs, on random - I swear!)

The end is near...

2010-11-26T15:25:00.000-05:00

I mean of my homelessness, of course.

I've found a new place - a GREAT place - with a great new roommate (whom I shall henceforth refer to as A). A and I will have a nice two-bedroom apartment in Bloor West Village. It has hardwood floors AND trim, a fireplace (not to be used), a balcony (it's top-floor of a house), a big kitchen, lots of windows, big bedrooms, a backyard, free laundry and storage in the basement, and great landlords.

And I will be paying LESS to live there than I was paying to live in the other place. Neat-o.
I've also gotten 2 (count 'em - TWO) part-time jobs. One's at a bookstore less than a 10-minute bike ride from my new apartment. (Where I get a 40% discount!)

The other's at a butcher where they only sell meat from local, socially conscious farms (antibiotic and hormone-free, grass-fed beef, pork, and poultry; free-range eggs; and organic milk and butter). Not only do I get a discount, but I get to take home anything that's at its "best before" date for free :)
So this is the end of this "experiment" as a homeless person. It's actually been kind of fun, since it's given me the chance to stay with different friends for extended periods of time and get to know them better. It's made me realize how great these friends really are.
Oh - and I've also joined a writing group, which meets every other Wednesday, and will hopefully keep me motivated to write (since that is, after all, the reason why I'm only getting part-time, minimum-wage work).

Anyway, this could have gone so much worse than it has, and I am really thankful that it didn't. So thank you all for your prayers (if you pray), and you will be hearing much more from me in the future!

DCH

What I've Been Watching Lately:

FREAKS AND GEEKS, the entire series, on DVD. Finally. It's about time, right?

(And why did it ever get cancelled????)

Technically homeless.

2010-11-04T16:10:00.000-04:00

I thought it was time for an update.

Technically, right now, I am unemployed and don't have a home. Technically.

I mean, I'm staying with a friend while I go out each day and pound the pavement, just looking for a part-time job or two to pay bills (as well as an apartment), but still... it's weird...

I'm not really worried yet; I'm pretty sure something will come up. After all, there have been several friendly faces in the coffee shops and book stores I've wandered into, asking if they were accepting resumes. And I've met a great new friend to look for a home with.

But still... it's weird...

Anyway, I don't have very much internet access right now, because the friend I'm staying with doesn't have internet (she only recently got her first laptop!); I'm restricted to just using the computers at the library. But if you comment or email me, and you don't hear back for a bit, just know that it's not (necessarily) anything to do with you ;)

DCH

My dream work/live scenario (right now):

Aside from the obvious (which would be to have a gig writing for a one-hour drama on HBO, Showtime, or AMC), I'd settle for a fun, interesting part-time job or two in a book store or DVD rental place, while living in an apartment in Toronto's High Park or Bloor West Village or Junction neighbourhoods.

Ack!

2010-10-22T14:21:00.000-04:00

I may not look like it on the outside, but here's how I look on the inside right now:

Ack!

Believe me, I don't want to embody Cathy any more than any of you want me to embody her. But I'm sort of getting the Ack! thing right now...

Anyway, I found out yesterday that I did not, in fact, get the job for which I'd been interviewing over the past month.

Yes, I know this is normal.

No, I didn't have a "back up." (Since they'd scouted ME out, I had the silly idea that this was a sure thing...)

So I'm basically screwed. Especially since I'm supposed to move out of my apartment next weekend, and haven't found a new place because I sort of need a job to pay for said new place. (I'm currently asking all of my friends if they know of any production assistant, transcription, ushering, or anything-else-film-or-television-related work... We'll see how that goes.)

Frankly, all of this is making me sort of frustrated with the film/TV industry (or lack thereof) here in Canada. The irrational, panicky voice inside of me wants me to just use my last bit of money to buy a plane ticket to L.A... (It doesn't have any good ideas for what I'd do when I'd get there, mind you. It just wants me to go!!!)

In the meantime, I have this insatiable craving for chocolate. Ack!

DCH

The song (and video) that is taking the world by storm:

Willow Smith is beautiful (and has her Daddy's ears...). Her song is fun, too.

And if she reaches #1 status with it, she'll actually be the youngest performer ever to do so (according to www.perezhilton.com).

My favourite part is when the little baby starts to dance.

New Hope.

2010-10-06T11:15:00.002-04:00

Sorry for all the echoes of despair last week; it happens whenever a contract of mine expires and I have the great, gaping Unknown staring back at me.

This time, though, I also had some rejection to deal with - I found out I didn't get in to several writing programs to which I'd applied (I know, I know - I've already been through years of school - but these weren't school. These were directly with studios, and would virtually guarantee me writing gigs afterward...)

But I'm over that now. So maybe I didn't get in to those more direct ways of getting into the business, but I have other opportunities in front of me, as long as I keep writing.

- I'm currently interviewing for a position that, granted, is not creative (it's more of the executive assistant-type-variety), but would give me great access and introduce me to a lot of the key players in the film industry (here in Canada, at least).

- I've also got a couple other people wanting to read my work, one to possibly produce it, and the other to possibly hire me to write a feature

- and I've got my short film to finish (I finally found someone to help me with the colour correction and all the other little tweaks needed)

No need to despair! One door may have closed, but four others have opened :)

DCH

And now for a little bit of silliness:

Just because it's so frickin' adorable (it currently has over 16,000,000 hits on YouTube):

And I can't believe this is over seven minutes long, but yes, I watched the whole thing because I couldn't stop watching that stupid banana dance...

(If you're wondering how I found this in the first place, I was searching for that Sunglasses at Night song to post the link under a friend's picture on Facebook, then watched a couple remixes... This is what happens when I don't have a job...)

Unemployed again.

2010-09-24T13:40:00.000-04:00

So the Very Big Festival is over, and thus, so is my contract. It was fun, I liked the people I worked with, and I got to see 16 films and go to 5ish parties, so all in all it was a good job.

But I'm sort of glad it's over. It's not something I'd want to do full-time, I don't think. (But I was surprised how much the job didn't bore me - it mainly involved working with Excel and email, but I actually enjoyed it...)

Now it's time to recuperate from the sleep depravity and get back to writing; the only problem is that I didn't get to save much money this time around, so I need to find another source of income fast. And there's a full-time possibility that I'm not super excited about, but might have to take if it's actually offered to me...

One of the films I saw during the Festival was YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER by Woody Allen; in it, Josh Brolin plays a man who is a writer who showed some promise years ago, but hasn't done well since. He comes off as selfish because he just won't admit he doesn't have the gift and get a real job (he also went to medical school, though, so there's that).

Is that what I'm doing? Am I lying to myself and being selfish as my parents help me out again and again?

Maybe it's time to face the truth... It's been over a year since I graduated from Northwestern, and about a year since I moved to Toronto. It might not even be that I'm a bad writer, but the obstacles to making this my career have been so huge. Maybe I'm not strong enough to keep persevering...

Or maybe I just feel guilty about relying on my parents so much for so long, and would like to finally be a grown up...

I don't know. I'm going to keep working on LUCY GRIER, and will probably tear apart PSYCHE, and write another spec script (I'm thinking of FRINGE this time... I love that show).

But I might also take this job, which probably wouldn't give me much time to write (if any time at all). It might be time to settle...

I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

DCH

Films I saw at the Festival and how I felt about them (in chronological order):

Friday, September 10th:

1. GRIFF THE INVISIBLE - Ryan Kwanten (who plays Jason Stackhouse on TRUE BLOOD) plays a shy man who is a superhero by night. He meets a cute, klutzy scientist (played by Maeve Dermody, whom I've never seen before but is brilliant) and they have a really sweet, awkward romance. It was pretty good for a first feature, but I can see why it wouldn't find wide distribution.

2. SUPER - Rainn Wilson (Dwight on THE OFFICE) is an ordinary guy who takes up a plumber's wrench and uses it to whack crime into silence. Probably Ellen Page's (from JUNO) funniest role (although there's one disturbing scene involving the word "gushy" that I couldn't watch), and Kevin Bacon (who doesn't know him?) makes a really good bad guy. Also the best opening credits ever.

Saturday, September 11th:

3. THE TOWN - Pretty good performances from John Hamm (Don Draper on MAD MEN), Jeremy Renner (from THE HURT LOCKER), Rebecca Hall, and Ben Affleck (who also wrote and directed the film) - but Blake Lively (GOSSIP GIRL) definitely was not right for her role. And it felt sometimes like the editor was trying to salvage some match cuts that didn't really match. Overall, I much preferred GONE BABY GONE, but this film will probably still make a lot of money at the box office.

Sunday, September 12th:

4. SUBMARINE - Written and directed by Richard Aoyade (who has had major TV success in the UK with his shows like THE IT CROWD), this film is of that sort of awkward British humour that I just love. Sort of like a Welsh cross between RUSHMORE and ABOUT A BOY... with just a little twist of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE thrown in for good measure. And Sally Hawkins (HAPPY-GO-LUCKY) plays the mother; she's pretty rad. :)

5. VANISHING ON 7TH STREET - Now, I love John Leguizamo (especially after ROMEO + JULIET and MOULIN ROUGE!), but he has made some pretty poor film choices. And this is one of them. I really regretted staying up to watch the Midnight Madness screening of this film. Really regretted it. Although Thandie Newton (CRASH) looked pretty stunning, both on screen and in person.

Monday, September 13th:

6. BLACK SWAN - Beautiful. Twisted. Dark. And Natalie Portman (GARDEN STATE) will probably be nominated for the Oscar for her role (I was shocked at her dancing!). As will Vincent Cassel (EASTERN PROMISES). And possibly Mila Kunis (THAT 70'S SHOW). But not everyone will like this film - it's an art film disguised as a major motion picture.

Tuesday, September 14th:

7. PINK SARIS - The only documentary I watched during the Fest, this is Kim Longinotto's latest film. It's about a woman who fights for women's rights in India, and the girls she sort of "helps." Really, really interesting. And the expression on this one girl's face as she's talked into getting married just haunts me.

Wednesday, September 15th:

8. BLUE VALENTINE - It stars Ryan Gosling (LARS AND THE REAL GIRL) and Michelle Williams (BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN). It's really heartbreaking to watch the state into which their relationship has crumbled. Lovely. One of the films I was most looking forward to seeing, and I wasn't disappointed.

9. THE HIGH COST OF LIVING - Small Canadian film starring Zach Braff (GARDEN STATE) and Isabelle Blais (a French Canadian actor I've never seen before, but who is spectacular). Has a similar theme to THE TOWN, in that it's about a man who commits a crime against a woman (in this case, a hit-and-run while she's pregnant), then starts a relationship with her without her knowing who he is - but I think it pulls it off much better. I'm really glad I saw it.

Thursday, September 16th:

* (doesn't count) DETECTIVE DEE AND THE MYSTERY OF THE PHANTOM FLAME - I did not actually see. This film, through no fault of its own, has the distinct honour of being the first I have EVER slept through. Ever. And I woke up at the end in time to see a giant Buddha statue falling onto a palace, and to hear my friends whispering in shocked awe about the kung fu fight that had taken place against a bunch of deer...

Friday, September 17th:

10. STAKE LAND - Starring Connor Paolo (of GOSSIP GIRL fame), this is a dark, post-apocalyptic film in which the world is overrun with vampires (who, in this case, seem like they're also some sort of cross-breed with zombies), and the main characters must trek to New Eden, where they've heard it's vampire-free. It looks beautiful, and there are some really great scenes (vampires dropped from helicopters!), but I think the one main thing it's lacking is for the goal to be stated plainly at the very beginning, so the stakes are higher whenever the characters hit an obstacle to that goal (it sort of just jumps into the action, and you have to infer what they're trying to do). But it's pretty good for a post-apocalyptic road movie about vampires :)

Saturday, September 18th:

11. CONFESSIONS - The Japanese selection for this next year's Oscar race, this is a semi-episodic tale of revenge. When a teacher discovers that two of her students are responsible for the death of her young daughter, and that they won't be held accountable by law because of their age, she takes matters into her own hands and finds a way to make them pay herself. The tale is told through a series of "confessions": hers, and several of her students'. Really well done (but also very bloody, so I wouldn't recommend it to everyone).

12. I'M STILL HERE - Casey Affleck's (from GONE BABY GONE) "documentary" (revealed to be more of a mockumentary by the time the Fest ended) about Joaquin Phoenix' (WALK THE LINE) decision to quit acting and become a hip-hop star. The day before I saw this, it was revealed that everything was a hoax - and at first, I was upset to know that going in, but it actually made everything funnier. Since we knew it was all a big joke, we could laugh at the awkward moments (instead of them just being awkward). But I still think it was too long. And there was way more random nudity, hookers, cocaine, and human feces on people's faces than I really needed to see.

Sunday, September 19th:

13. YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER - Classic Woody Allen, starring Josh Brolin (W.), Naomi Watts (THE INTERNATIONAL), Freida Pinto (SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE), Anthony Hopkins (SILENCE OF THE LAMBS), Gemma Jones (BRIDGET JONES' DIARY), Antonio Banderas (SHREK), and even Anna Friel (PUSHING DAISIES). Worthy of a chuckle here and there, but ANNIE HALL is still Allen's best comedy.

14. MY ONLY SUNSHINE - I had to see at least one film from the City to City programme (which was Istanbul this year), and this was it. Haunting and slightly disturbing, poor Hayat's life is not a happy one. It left me with a lot to think about (especially because there are still a few moments I don't understand - perhaps they were lost in translation).

15. THE BIG CHILL - I know this one's an old film, but I'd never seen it and they were doing a free screening. But I missed the end because I thought I had to rush out for my next film 5 minutes before this was over. Turns out I was mistaken. Oh well - I'll just have to get it from my local library!

16. BEGINNERS - Ironically, the last film screened at the Festival - but the best way to end it, I think. Starring Christopher Plummer (THE IMAGINARIUM OF DR. PARNASSUS) and Ewan MacGregor (MOULIN ROUGE!), it was a touching story about a son whose father came out of the closet only a couple of years before his death, leaving him with the need to search himself as well. Mélanie Laurent was beautiful, too (*weird side note: when she first appears in the film, wearing a wig and unable to speak, I thought she looked oddly like Brittany Murphy, the actor who passed away last year...)

Films I didn't get to see but had tickets to: THE BUTCHER, THE CHEF, AND THE SWORDSMAN; THE FIRST GRADER; YOU ARE HERE; THE SOLITUDE OF PRIME NUMBERS

Film I still want to see that I didn't have a chance to see: NEVER LET ME GO

Has it been THAT long???

2010-09-06T16:14:00.000-04:00

So... hmm... it has been over a month since my last post here, and that is primarily because I'm so busy working for the Really Big Film Festival. My past week-and-a-half has mainly consisted of 12-15 hour work days, surrounded by biking to and from work, perhaps watching an episode of 30 Rock, Mad Men, or True Blood, then sleeping for whatever hours are left.

Plus, my job mainly has me working with emails, phone messages, and Excel spreadsheets, so I don't really want to look at a computer when I get home.

BUT today I suddenly got the day off, so I thought I'd send out a cyber "hi" and let everyone know I hadn't abandoned this little bloggy blog - I'm just neglecting it instead.

There's not really anything else to report on that front. So...yeah...see you after the Festival's over!

Lucy Grier.

2010-07-28T12:53:00.000-04:00

This morning I finished a very VERY rough draft of my pilot, Lucy Grier.

It's still way too short (needs another 8-10 pages), has some elements missing (i.e. follow-up on some things I planted early in the script), and I haven't actually written the final scene - but I'm pleased with the direction it's going.

Now I've sent it to a couple colleagues to read so they can give me feedback.

And I'm going to have lunch and take a break! Woot.

DCH.

Why the name Lucy Grier?

I like my characters' names to mean something. I actually have a baby names website bookmarked, to help me find names and look them up by meaning (http://babynamesworld.parentsconnect.com).

Anyway, Lucy comes from the same Latin root as Lucifer, and means "light." I also wanted to make a small reference to Lucy Pevensie, from The Chronicles of Narnia, who is the youngest of the four Pevensie children and has a special relationship with Aslan.

Grier, meanwhile, is Greek and means "watcher." I thought it was a highly proper last name, considering Lucy's parentage and destiny.

And there you have it :)

YAY!!!

2010-07-22T17:48:00.000-04:00

I've been through several interviews - each for a different position - but I finally just heard back today that I got a contract gig with that Really Big Festival that's here in Toronto.

Sweet!

Continue on with your business.

DCH.

Update:

I am currently about 28 pages into my pilot script. There are probably about 20 left to go...

The Revised Plan.

2010-07-19T16:38:00.000-04:00

Well, as you can probably guess, I did not succeed in finishing my script this past weekend.

In fact, I didn't end up writing at all over the weekend; I was just too busy and exhausted.

Today, however, I have written 10 pages. (Woohoo!)

This brings me to a total of 20 pages so far. (Yippee!)

So my new goal is to at least finish this first draft this week, so I can send it to some friends to read.

I think this is much more realistic. :)

DCH.

Funny video of the day:

A friend just posted this on Facebook. I'd imagine it'd be even more funny if I'd actually seen Inception...

Incepción from Electric Spoofaloo on Take180.com

The Plan.

2010-07-17T16:22:00.000-04:00

OK.

The goal is to finish the first draft of my pilot this weekend.

I'm currently about 10 pages in.

It's doable.

The only obstacles are a birthday party tonight, and church and a potluck barbecue tomorrow... (Oh - and writing this blog entry, of course...)

I can totally do it.

DCH.

Why you should always listen to advice from people who know more than you:

I'm trying something new this time around: I'm writing out of order. Normally, once I've outlined everything, I write from beginning to end - which is something everyone tells you NOT to do.

I mean, it's always worked for me - except I've always felt as if the beginnings of my scripts are stronger than the ends, mostly because I always go back over what I've already written and revise it before I start on new stuff (it's sort of a way of procrastinating the pain of starting to write new stuff, I guess. Except that it's not usually actually painful to write the new stuff. Just the anticipation is.)

But now that I'm writing scenes out of order, I can't do that. I have to wait until I'm done everything. Plus, I get to work on whatever scene I feel the most excited about! And I don't feel as committed to anything I've written, because if I write another scene that changes something and I like it better, I'll have to go back - and that's O.K.!

This is great. I should've tried this A LOT sooner :D

Synopsizing.

2010-07-10T14:40:00.001-04:00

I have finally finished a rough synopsis of what would happen plot-wise in my pilot. *happy sigh*

I'm proud of myself, for two reasons: 1) I'm just generally proud of myself whenever I come up with a new idea and follow through with it, and 2) I had some disappointing news yesterday that would've, in the past, crippled me and kept me from finishing anything creative for a while. But I chose to use it as "fuel for the fire" instead. (Yay me!)

I found out I didn't get in to the CFC's Primetime Television Writing program for the fall. Oh well.

Just like any artist, rejection brings up all sorts of doubts and questions as to my abilities as a writer. (Am I wasting my time doing this? What if I'm actually horrible? What if everyone actually knows I'm horrible, but won't tell me - sort of like Tobias in Arrested Development? Maybe it was just a fluke that I got in to Columbia... and Northwestern... Maybe I should just move back into my parents' basement and give up...)

As soon as I get to that last thought, though, I snap a bit back to reality. These things take time. And persistence. And work.

So, instead of giving up in despair, I will now begin outlining my new pilot.

Since I seem to have been teasing the six of you who actually read this blog, here's a quick premise of the show (which is very vague because, as I have mentioned previously, I am horrible at writing loglines):

When a teenager discovers she’s not actually crazy, she just has supernatural powers, she must decide whether she will use them for the good or evil of her new boarding school.

Of course, there's a lot more to the story than that, but it's the gist of things. :)

DCH.

Several of my current favourite websites:

You may have noticed that I follow several blogs. Well, there are two in particular that I especially enjoy, and they're both written by the same woman.

http://www.epbot.com

http://www.cakewrecks.com

Both hilarious. Both worth checking out on a daily basis.

I have also just been directed to the wonderful world of CBC Radio 3 by a friend who'd heard I wanted to hear more Canadian indie rock. They stream Canadian indie rock, pop, hiphop, and electronic music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I can now stream music while I'm working at my computer all day long if I want to! Huzzah!

Anyway, just thought I'd share the love. Hope you're all savouring this break from the heat wave!

Oh, Muse, how thou art delicate!

2010-06-30T13:21:00.001-04:00

So the idea is finally starting to take shape. Which means I'm also entering a state of drunken delirium.

Ideas are heady stuff (har har). Easy to get lost in.

This is a tricky moment - I can get lost in the excitement and begin to just write! without waiting for the idea to truly form. Or, I can exert enormous amounts of self-control and wait until I can see more details. Sounds like an easy decision, but have you ever tried talking logic to a drunk?

Giddy, giddy, giddy. That's how I feel right now. But there's no direction, no outlet to this giddiness yet. I need to keep waiting, keep searching, until I know more.

Meanwhile, I'll keep looking for employment so I can pay my bills. Blech.

DCH.

More inspiration:

As I have previously mentioned, I have been watching other shows and movies (Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, Girl, Interrupted) and have been searching sites on the internet (about The Mulberry Bush School and boarding schools in Canada) for inspiration.

Now, a few other things I've been looking at lately include:

Joan of Arcadia

The Veritas Conflict by Shaunti Feldhahn

and a few books from my local library on adolescent emotional trauma and its treatment.

I'm also thinking back to shows like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Veronica Mars, trying to glean my favourite elements so I can combine them all in my pilot.

I don't know if you can see where I'm going with all this - and you better not steal my idea if you do! - but it sure is making me excited...

The agony of creation.

2010-06-26T17:35:00.000-04:00

It's so frustrating!

Trying to get that idea - that misty, half-formed, almost-thought in the back of your mind - to just step forward and show itself, is a painful process.

And it's not really something you can rush, either; it will arrive when it full and well wants to. It will arrive only when it trusts you and thinks you are ready to take care of it.

So that's why I am currently in a state of research. There's something simmering, and I want it to come to fruition, so I'm trying my darnedest to find where it's hiding. (I know this contradicts what I just said, but I will do whatever I can to hurry the process along, if I can.)

This means A LOT of reading. And watching old TV shows and movies that inspire me. And just praying for inspiration to strike already.

As I mentioned in my previous post, there are several shows and movies that I've watched lately, trying to gain inspiration in terms of genre and tone. Now I'm trying to move more specifically into researching my subject matter, as I try to figure out what exactly I want my show to be about.

It's excruciating.

HOWEVER, it's all worth it when the idea suddenly unveils itself. That's when you get so excited, you just want to tell everyone all about it - and you're usually incoherent because it's too much all at once, and it won't make sense to anyone else until you sit with it for awhile and get to know it better.

But that's the rush that you look for as a writer. It's what keeps you going. It's what I'm gasping for right now.

DCH.

Some of the sites I've been perusing:

Not to give everything away, but here are some interesting sites I've been looking at.

The Mulberry Bush School (Wikipedia)

An article written by a teacher at The Mulberry Bush school

An Index of Canadian Boarding Schools

And I've also found myself reading, yet again, Writing the TV Drama Series by Pamela Douglas, because it helps me through the whole writing process.

What's Going On In My Head

2010-06-18T19:22:00.000-04:00

That is not a question, but rather a statement of what this post is about.

Since I finished editing my short film last week, I've been trying to think of what I should work on next. My grad school colleague still wants to write something with me, but she's not available to start until the end of July - so I'm thinking of writing a new TV pilot in the meantime. Or at least starting one.

I've got an idea beginning to form, but it doesn't have enough definition yet to put into a premise for you to read here. Let's just say I've been watching a few things for inspiration (Wonderfalls, Dead Like Me, and Girl, Interrupted so far).

I think it's now time to move into the research phase of things...

This period in the writing cycle is probably not only the most exhilarating, but also the most frustrating. It's like when you have a word on the tip of your tongue - you can sense that it's there, but it's just beyond your reach. That's how I feel about my idea. Almost there, but not quite.

Anyway, I'm excited.

Oh - and I had an interview last night for that really big festival. I think it went well - but they were interviewing well over 200 people at a time, so I'm not sure... So I also applied to a bookstore and a coffee chain today, as a precaution. (There was a high-end grocery store I wanted to apply to as well, but they didn't have any positions open.) Woohoo.

DCH.

One of my favourite paintings:

Joan of Arc by Jules Bastien-Lepage

The first time I saw this painting in the Metropolitan Museum of Art in New York, I froze. I literally stood in front of it for an hour and a half, just staring.

Joan of Arc has always been such a fascinating figure to me...

Lately.

2010-06-06T12:27:00.006-04:00

Hi.

So I've been working another film festival this past week. That's been fun.

And I have an interview later this month to work another film festival (one you all have probably heard of and know about, but which I will decline from naming, "just in case"...). So that's cool.

I also finished editing my short film that I shot last spring, called e.e. Now it's the sound designer's turn to get a crack at it. And I'll have someone help me tweak a few things (i.e. colour correction and fixing some film damage in the footage). That's exciting.

Yep.

Hmmm.... I'm also now at the point, since (as I mentioned above) I finished my short film, that I'm trying to figure out what to do next in terms of writing. I might start a project in collaboration with one of my grad school friends, if she's still keen on the idea. OR, I might start writing a new TV pilot. We'll see.

Mmhmm...

So... I guess that's it. I don't have anything super inspiring to share right now. I've been having fun and have met some pretty cool people, but it's not really anything to write about. (How boring is it when people go on and on about people you don't know? Am I right?)

Yup.

DCH.

A few cool music videos I saw this week:

These were all in the film festival I've been working this week, and I really liked them...

Strawberry Swing by Coldplay (This one isn't able to be embedded - sorry - but it's way cool, so you should check it out.)

"Letter of Intent."

2010-05-11T23:33:00.000-04:00

Hi all.

Nope. I haven't died. I've just been incredibly busy with work. While the festival was on, I had to work 13 days straight, at least 11 hours a day, so I didn't have time for my blog.

That's all done now, though. So, while I try to think about something interesting to write, I just thought I'd paste in here the letter I wrote for an application to a writing program to which I've applied (<--- that was a very awkward sentence. I know.)

The idea was to write a "one-page description outlining what you hope to achieve by attending the program, both within the program and after. Include your thoughts about your skill needs and how you plan to polish those skills within the program."

I hope it doesn't come across as conceited; it was actually quite genuine. Here it is:

People always ask me, after they’ve heard about my education and work experiences, what the f@#% I’m doing in Toronto.

“Why aren’t you in L.A.?” they inevitably ask. “What’re you doing here?!”

Ah, Canadian self–deprecation — isn’t it grand?

And when I answer, they’re not completely surprised to learn that I came back to Canada kicking and screaming, purely because my student visa was expiring and I’d run out of finances. They smile, almost relieved to discover I’m actually sane, because I fully intended to move to L.A. after I graduated from Northwestern — I honestly never thought I’d end up here.

But here is where I am — and do not imagine even a hint of a sigh in that statement.

Yes, I was devastated when I had to return to live in my parents’ basement in St. Thomas, to sleep in my brother’s old bed, somewhere between the cat box and the computer where he stays up all night cursing at his gaming buddies.

True, it was humbling to have to take a job at ---, putting on that uniform just to work part–time in the deli and pay some of my student loans.

And it wasn’t much fun either, when I finally did move out of that basement and into an apartment in Toronto, to admit my financial situation and go on welfare just so I could eat.

But… All these experiences helped me to grow up really fast. I lost my sense of entitlement, and actually became even more grateful to be Canadian than I’d ever been before in my life. There was actually a sense of relief, as my being Canadian was no longer a “handicap” to getting a job, since I didn’t need anyone to sponsor me for a work visa. I’d never before noticed just how much anxiety that had actually caused me.

I also learned a great deal about my attitude as a writer. I finally came to a point where I realized how much I just need to write – whether or not I get paid to do it (although getting paid would be really, really nice). I actually get cranky when I go too many days without writing — apparently, it’s my version of caffeine, as a non–coffee–drinker (gasp!).

The toughest part of it all, though, is that I feel like I’m starting from scratch. I was just getting the hang of how the Industry works in L.A. and New York, and had quite a nice network started (thankyouverymuch). Here, it seems as if the game is changed, the rules are of a slightly different nature, and I’m back to learning who the key players are.

And this, my friends, is what brought me to applying to the ------- Writing Program: I need your help to learn the rules of the game here.

In terms of my writing, I really feel as if I’m at the point where I could become that “baby” staff writer on a one–hour drama. I honestly feel confident in my abilities in that regard. I know how to break down a series, analyze sample scripts, count how many scenes each character’s typically in, and I’m really good in the room.

But in terms of original content, I don’t know what they’re looking for here. I don’t know what size the writing staffs usually are. I don’t know what a story editor is!

So, ultimately, through your program I see myself rounding out my portfolio with several more scripts, yes, but mainly being an avid student of how this great glorious Canadian Entertainment Industry machine works —

— and then going on to become an integral and energetic part of it afterwards.

And there you have it. Would you accept me into a writing program with that letter? ;)

DCH.

Why my bed is wonderful:

Because I can sleep in it. And sleep in in it. As I'm going to do right now.

My Brain Is Numb.

2010-04-07T12:23:00.000-04:00

It has been too long since I wrote anything of import on here.

The main reason for this is a good one - I've got a job that pays my rent (and that I also happen to enjoy). It doesn't, however, lend well to much time spent in creative pursuits.

I am trying to stay disciplined on this front, though; I usually get up at least 3-4 hours before I need to leave for work every morning (I only leave at 10 a.m. - don't get it into your head that I'm getting up before dawn or anything. I'm a morning person, but not to THAT extent!). This way, I have time to spend an hour or so praying and meditating, another hour or two preparing for my day (breakfast, getting dressed, making my lunch, etc.), and an hour or so working on one of my creative projects.

This is how I finally finished my HOUSE, M.D. spec. And currently I'm working on editing a short film I wrote and directed last spring, titled e.e. (inspired by the life and poetry of e.e. cummings). I'm hoping to finally finish logging all the clips today (it takes a long time).

It's funny - even though I'm only working about an hour a day on this stuff, I feel like I might actually be accomplishing more, since I'm consistently working every day. It makes me happy.

So anyway, this might not be an exciting post, but I just thought I'd let my five followers know that I haven't stopped working on my projects.

I'm also hoping to get a bit more creative here on my blog. You know - include more fictional work.

Oh yeah - and eventually catch up with that whole Sentence-A-Day thing. What a fiasco that's turned out to be!

DCH.

the poem e.e. is inspired by:

somewhere i have never travelled, gladly beyond
any experience, your eyes have their silence:
in your most frail gesture are things which enclose me,
or which i cannot touch because they are too near

your slightest look easily will unclose me
though i have closed myself as fingers,
you open always petal by petal myself as Spring opens
(touching skilfully, mysteriously) her first rose

or if your wish be to close me, i and
my life will shut very beautifully, suddenly,
as when the heart of this flower imagines
the snow carefully everywhere descending;

nothing which we are to perceive in this world equals
the power of your intense fragility: whose texture
compels me with the color of its countries,
rendering death and forever with each breathing

(i do not know what it is about you that closes
and opens; only something in me understands
the voice of your eyes is deeper than all roses)
nobody, not even the rain, has such small hands

The Secretary Generals of the United Nations Like to Spam Me

2010-03-19T13:47:00.001-04:00

First it was a message from Kofi Annan (which I wrote about on my Facebook profile back on June 8, 2009). Now it's Ban Ki-Moon. I guess I'm just that famous. ... Or maybe important? ... How about special?

Anyway, here's the urgent message Mr. Ban sent (I thought you'd be pleased by my good fortune). I have highlighted all of his typos, as I'm sure this was so urgent he didn't have time for proofreading:

SCAMMED VICTIM/ US$500,000.00 BENEFICIARY.REF/PAYMENT CODE:06654‏

From: UNITED NATIONS (cadcam@sohu.net)

Sent: Thu 3/18/10 6:01 PM

ZENITH BANK COMPENSATION UNIT, IN AFFILIATION WITH THE UNITED NATION. Send a copy of your response to official email: zenithplcplc10@gmail.com or zenithplcplc12@gmail.com ATTN: SIR / MADAM How are you today? Hope all is well with you and family?,You may not understand why this mail came to you. We have been having a meeting for the passed 7 months which ended 2 days ago with the then secretary to theUNITED NATIONS. This email is to all the people that have been scammed in any part of the world, the UNITED NATIONS have agreed to compensate them with the sum of US$500,000.00 (Five Hundred Thousand Dollars)This includes every foreign contractors that may have not received their contract sum, and people that have had an unfinished transaction or international businesses that failed due toGovernment problems etc. Your name and email was in the list submitted by our Monitoring Team of Economic and Financial Crime Commission observers and this is why we are contacting you, this have been agreed upon and have been signed. You are advised to contact Mr. Jim Ovia of ZENITH BANK NIGERIA PLC, as he is our representative in Nigeria, contact him immediately for your Cheque/ International Bank Draft of US$500,000.00 (Five Hundred Thousand Dollars) This funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose OK? so he will send it to you and you can clear it in any bank of your choice. Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number/your correct mailing address where you want him to send the Draft to you. Contact Mr. Jim Ovia immediately for your Cheque: Person to Contact Mr. Jim OviaEmail: zenithplcplc10@gmail.com or zenithplcplc12@gmail.comPhone Number: 234-8050476344 Making the world a better place Mr. Ban Ki-MoonSecretary (UNITED NATIONS).http://www.un.org/sg/

My favourite part is where he actually writes "This funds are in a Bank Draft for security purpose OK?"

Who actually falls for these? I feel very sad for them.

DCH.

Happy Thought of the Day:

Today is Friday. I have just worked my first week at a job I actually like :)

Becoming a Responsible Omnivore.

2010-03-16T12:02:00.000-04:00

Let me make this very plain: I am NOT a vegetarian or a vegan.

I very much like to eat things like steaks and eggs and cheese.

HOWEVER - and I hope this doesn't offend anyone - I have decided to become much more responsible and thoughtful about where I get these products. Thus, I will often eat like a vegan, unless I can find free-range eggs, or grass-fed beef, or even wild game. (And my cousin Michelle has been happy to let me know about a local butcher that sells just such items, as well as another place where I can get very cheap produce.)

I have decided I no longer want to support factory farming conditions. Just because the animal is going to be killed for me, does not mean it has to live its entire life in a cage or pen too small for it to even move. As living creatures, they deserve a little more respect than that, I think.

This decision also stems from a desire to lessen my carbon footprint; I want to eat more local food products, thereby lessening the cost on the environment in terms of shipping fuel and packaging products.

And finally, it also comes from my faith; the Bible talks about how "The righteous care for the needs of their animals, but the kindest acts of the wicked are cruel" (Proverbs 12:10). I just couldn't justify contributing to these cruel conditions for these animals anymore.

This doesn't mean I'm going to be a pain when I eat at other peoples' homes, though. I won't abstain from anything I'm served by friends and family. (Unless it's peanut butter, which I just don't like. Blech.) This will just apply to my own cooking - and will affect what I choose to eat if I go out.

So yeah... this is probably going to be a bit tough. I really do like eating meat and dairy, and I'll have to do with far less of them from now on (since free-range eggs and grass-fed beef are more expensive). But I feel good about my decision. (And an added side benefit is that I'm also already feeling a little healthier and brighter, even just after a couple days of this!)

DCH.

Happy Announcement:

Today is my second day at my new job, and I love it so far :D

I have a lot of catching up to do.

2010-03-11T09:21:00.001-05:00

So I've sort of been M.I.A. the past couple weeks.

Part of this is because I was supporting my friend while her son was recovering from major surgery over at Sick Kids (http://asherpeters.blogspot.com).

Part of this is just plain laziness.

I fully intend to catch up with the past two weeks' Sentence-A-Days by the end of today.

In the meantime, enjoy my blog's new look - courtesy of my friend Lena Toews' templates over at www.simplyfabulousbloggertemplates.com. She's got a whole bunch of amazing (FREE) templates over there. But if you've got $5, want to makeover your blog, and would also like to help a great cause, head on over to her other site, www.premades4purpose.com, where Lena's selling her more intricate premade templates to raise money for adopting a new baby into her family.

O.K. That's all for now - but expect to hear from me later again today. :)

DCH.

Thought Of The Day:

I was once just two cells inside of my mother's uterus. So were you.

I Got A Job!!!

2010-02-26T17:09:00.000-05:00

Yay!

It's just an 8-week gig, but I'll be working for a large film festival (I won't say which one, so I don't get in trouble, but let's just say it's the largest of its type in North America).

Woohoo :)

DCH.

Why this week rocks:

Did you not just read what I wrote above?!

Sentence-A-Day #8

2010-02-26T01:01:00.000-05:00

Since I've written so many blogs this week already, I'll just get right to showing you this week's jpegs :)

DCH.

Why Canada Is So Awesome:

The Women's Hockey Team won its third consecutive Olympic gold medal today (and against the U.S., no less!); this is the first time any team has done this since the Canadian Men's Hockey Team did this back in 1924, 1928, and 1932.

And Joannie Rochette overcame enormous personal obstacles to win bronze in Ladies' Figure Skating tonight; the first time Canada's medaled in this event since 1988 (with Elizabeth Manley's silver in Calgary).

Woohoo!

An Excellent Day To Wake Up To

2010-02-24T12:41:00.002-05:00

So I woke up this morning, and discovered that my current financial situation has been taken care of. That's a really good feeling.

No, it wasn't by some gracious benefactor swooping in, but a sort of miracle of already-present money being shifted around somewhat, without anyone actually intending to do so.

Yay! :)

I also thought a bit more about my previous post, and realized that it implies that my empathy merely lies with the "undeserving" poor. With the ones who are poor, not because of anything they've done, but by something happening that was completely out of their control.

I re-read that line I wrote, the one where I said, "I'd heard the stories of homeless people with Master's degrees and PhD's, but I guess I just subconsciously assumed they'd done something to screw up their lives, like an addiction."

I realized that there's an implication there that the people who are poor because of a spiraling addiction "deserve" their poverty, in some way.

And then I re-read that part of the verses I shared where Jesus mentions "I was in prison and you came to visit me." Because there was a little twinge in my heart, and I realized I was associating addicts with criminals, whom (most of the time) are being punished for actions they chose to do...

... and because Jesus was saying that EVERYONE in a bad situation deserves compassion without patronization, regardless of how they got into that situation.

He is asking us to show compassion to the poor, even if they became poor due to their own choices.

And I felt rebuked.

I realized I wasn't looking at addiction in a very sympathetic way.

And I also realized that, no matter the reason, or the original choice for how/why a person is in the situation they are in - I should know better than to judge them. I don't know their hearts, or the circumstances under which they acted, or anything.

All I know is that they are human, and poverty is ugly, and people are not my enemy.

Lesson learned (I hope).

DCH.

Olympic Moment I Was Glad To Have Witnessed:

Joannie Rochette's short program performance in Women's Figure Skating last night.

Finding out someone you love has died just before one of your biggest moments in life is pretty tough to handle - I think she's doing rather well.

Talk About Stating the Obvious...

2010-02-22T18:55:00.001-05:00

I'm poor.

Ha! I know that, despite the blog title, you were expecting something more profound, but really - that's it. I'm poor.

I actually just really realized that this morning. Even though I've been struggling financially for quite awhile now - to the point of being on social assistance and getting by on very little (VERY little) food - I just never considered myself poor.

After all, this is just a temporary situation, right? My poverty won't be permanent - will it?

. . .

If I'm honest, I have to admit that I don't know. And that clicked this morning.

But the funny thing is, it didn't make me sad. It made me understand other people who are poor a whole lot better, instead.

I'd never really thought about it, I guess. Maybe, somewhere in the back of my mind, even though I technically KNEW better, I just sort of thought most poor people had always been that way. I just didn't really think about it, because I thought they were completely different from me and we had nothing in common.

But now that it has finally clicked that I am, indeed, poor, it makes me realize that other people who are poor must also be in similar situations as me.

I mean, yeah, I'd heard the stories of homeless people with Master's degrees and PhD's, but I guess I just subconsciously assumed they'd done something to screw up their lives, like an addiction. But now I can completely identify with and empathize for the people who have advanced degrees from other countries, but can't seem to catch a break here. The ones who are brilliant doctors or artists or businesspeople, but are under-employed in part-time minimum wage jobs because of some insurmountable obstacle outside of their control. I completely get that.

I also understand the frustration of the people who might have just been doing O.K. - maybe just getting out of a financial rut - when they got injured or sick and could no longer work. The ones who really WANT to work, but are unable to. And are now unable to afford their rent or groceries, all because they didn't report their injury properly, or their boss has a limit on how many sick days they can have... The ones who are hard workers, with good work ethics, but now can hardly even take care of themselves - again, all because of something completely outside of their control. I get that, too.

I realized this morning how I am one of these people - how they're just like me - and just how ugly poverty really is. I've only been poor (I mean REALLY poor) for the past few months, and already it's beating me down and making it hard for me to believe I'll ever overcome all these obstacles to climb out of this pit.

Imagine how it must be for people who are born into this state. Who have only ever experienced these sorts of setbacks.

And although it's not usually said outright, they're often blamed for their own situation. Because they're constantly told that they need to have grit. They need to buck up, work hard, and things will just turn out alright. And there's an underlying assumption that if they're poor, they're not trying hard enough - they're lazy. (I know because, if I'm honest, I thought that way. And it's hard not to still think that way - especially about myself.)

So the poor are constantly robbed of their dignity whenever they admit they need help. Whenever the obstacles really are too big. Because of that lie that they should be able to do it all themselves. (That's also why many of them would rather just die than ask for help. Or give up and barely maintain their existence. They think they deserve it.)

I get it now.

Whatever happens, I pray that I will never forget this lesson, and that I will always ALWAYS have compassion on the poor.

Not just because I am one of them. But because I now fully understand why Jesus said the following about the Final Judgement:

    "Then the King will say to those on his right, 'Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.'
    "Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?'
   "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" (Matthew 25:34-40, TNIV)

A true act of compassion without any trace of judgment or patronization is the purest expression of God's love. In that act, God is truly present.

DCH.

Update on the job hunt:

Found out today that I didn't get the job I interviewed for last Monday, so tomorrow I will march on over to the local thrift store and apply there (since they're looking for help, and it would be less physically strenuous than my current job - even if it wouldn't be unionized...). At least minimum wage is going up a dollar an hour this next month (from $9.50 to $10.50 an hour).

And I will keep writing.

The valuability of vulnerability.

2010-02-21T12:38:00.002-05:00

O.K. So "valuability" isn't exactly a word, but it sounded more snazzy in the blog title. Like one of those self-help books: "Failing Forward," "My Boss is a B@$t@a*d," or (for the author who couldn't come up with something clever) "Self-Help for Dummies." (It's actually a play - but if that were real, it would sort of undo itself in the title, wouldn't it?)

Anyway, I've just been thinking this morning. I've been pretty frustrated the past eight months with the course of events that have happened in my life (since I graduated from grad school).

NOTHING has gone as I planned.

I mean, it's been O.K. For example, I never intended to move back to Canada - I was planning on going directly to L.A. - but finances dictated otherwise. And, as a result, I ended up moving to Toronto instead (and couldn't be happier).

But all of these setbacks have also forced me into a constant state of vulnerability that I'm not used to. Which, it turns out, is a very good thing - because I'm constantly forced to just be myself and build relationships based purely on who I am (not on things that I impress other people with).

Exhibit A: When I moved to New York and people asked why I was there, the answer was that I was getting my degree at Columbia University. This immediately led to them being impressed with my intellect, since it's a very selective school.

Exhibit B: When I moved to Chicago and people asked why I was there, the answer was that I was getting my Master of Fine Arts at Northwestern University, in their new Writing for the Screen and Stage program. This immediately led to them being impressed with my writing abilities and potential, since it's a very selective program.

Exhibit C: When people ask why I'm in Toronto, I answer that it's to try to get into the film and TV industry - but have absolutely nothing to show for it. (And there seems to be this underlying assumption that, if I were any good, I'd actually be in L.A. - Canadians are so self-deprecating.)

I'm working part-time at a grocery store - but injured myself there a week and a half ago. So not only am I under-employed, but I'm back to relying on my welfare to pay rent (and will be filing for Worker's Compensation). I've been trying to write and finish my scripts, but the ones I finished last summer are no longer viable, and I've had setback after setback in writing new ones.

So that means I really am just like any ordinary person. I have nothing to hide behind; no accomplishments, no future glory. It's just me.

This is incredibly frustrating when you're used to impressing people. BUT it's also incredibly liberating, since you know that your friends are actually your friends because they like you. (And they must REALLY like you, because you might even be a bit of a burden to them since you have absolutely no money and are constantly in need of emotional support...)

I think my not having anything when I moved here could possibly be the best thing that could've happened to me. Especially, since for the first time EVER, there's no foreseeable end-date to my living in this city and I actually intend to settle here (which is scary as all heck sometimes, when you're used to being rootless and picking up every few years or so...).

My (forced) vulnerability has thus been very valuable, since it seems to be a good foundation to have in my friendships - friendships I intend to foster for a very long time - because this vulnerability has given me confidence that my friends like me for no other reason than that I'm ME. This undoes any potential for insecurity on my part.

It also means I'll appreciate it even more when they're impressed with my accomplishments later ;)

DCH.

Canada's Current Medal Count in the Vancouver 2010 Olympic Games:

Golds: 4
Silvers: 3
Bronze: 1

TOTAL: 8

But today is "Super Sunday," with a whole bunch of events planned, so we'll see how things stand afterward.

I'd say the Own the Podium program's been a success (although I was sad for the Hamelin brothers last night in the 1000m short-track speed skating race...). :)

Feeling Better... Because of Sentence-A-Day #7!!!

2010-02-18T11:56:00.001-05:00

It's a new day, and my shoulder feels much better. Still not 100%, but I definitely have a more cheerful outlook on life today.

Funny how pain can affect you that way. (And PMS. TMI?)

After an (almost) full night's sleep, I felt happier, more hopeful, and capable of finally doing things like the dishes that had been piling up all week. Add good music playing in the background and sunshine peeking through the windows to the mix, and tada! A better day.

Anyway, today it's time for the next installment of "Sentence-A-Day." Hard to believe it's already week #7. I'm not really sure where my story's headed, but it will definitely be an interesting ride along the way...

Those blue wavy things were supposed to be waves.

Fail.

DCH.

Most bittersweet reality this week:

I have gained several pounds over the past several days - purely because I've been indulging in McCain's Deep & Delicious Marble Cake with Nestle's Rolo ice cream. They go amazingly well together, as you might imagine.

I hadn't bought it for myself (I swear!). It was for a Chinese New Year/Valentine's Day party on Sunday, for which I said I'd bring the "traditional single person's Valentine's food." But then barely any of it got eaten, so I had to bring it home...

...and have it for breakfast the next day...

...and dessert at lunch the next day...

...etc, etc, etc...

*sigh*

Injuries, Dwindling Hope, And Whatnot.

2010-02-17T18:01:00.000-05:00

No, I'm not talking about the Olympics.

I'm talking about me.

From http://www.chicagonow.com/blogs/blackhawks-confidential/2009/07/dont-worry-be-happy-hossas-got-12-years-to-heal.html

Last week, I injured myself at work. I strained the rotator cuff in my right shoulder (pictured above) using the deli slicer. It has been extremely painful, keeping me from even sleeping properly, and as a result, I've been off work since last Thursday -

- which I can't afford. (Not sure how I'm going to pay rent this month, actually.)

This injury has also made it too painful for me to really sit and type. The positioning of my arm at the keyboard was just right to cause my shoulder to ache, so I couldn't even work on my writing. What a waste of a week off.

So, as you might imagine, all this, coupled with a recent disappointment, has led to a bit of a loss of hope.

What am I doing? Sometimes it just feels too hard to keep trying for a career in writing - the odds are so darn difficult. And the clock seems to be ticking. And it gets lonely, especially when you're so very single, as I am.

But I'm not cut out for anything else, either. Besides, I feel unhappy when I'm not writing - it really is all I can do.

Whatever the case, my shoulder seems to feel better today. I don't want to chance typing too long yet, though - but hopefully tomorrow I will spend the whole day writing. And Friday.

Here's to hoping.

DCH.

A few verses I found comfort in today:

Psalm 113:7-9
   ⁷ He raises the poor from the dust
       and lifts the needy from the ash heap;
    ⁸ he seats them with princes,
       with the princes of his people.
    ⁹ He settles the childless woman in her home
       as a happy mother of children.
       Praise the LORD.

Sentence-A-Day #6

2010-02-11T23:18:00.001-05:00

TADA! This week, my update isn't late :)

So here you are:

DCH.

Update on my grocery store job:

I, along with one of my young co-workers, got called in to talk with the Assistant Store Manager today, for a good talking-to about our abilities as workers.

My manager was there.

Our assistant manager was there.

And the union rep was there.

They're concerned I don't have what it takes to be the kind of employee they need (but I'm still new, so they're giving me a shot).

Apparently, they weren't pleased that we didn't re-fill the salads before leaving at the end of the night the last time we closed together (Tuesday).

But, on the plus side, they say I'm "great" with customers!

Thank goodness I have a meeting about a possible short-term (10-week) gig on Monday (that's actually in my industry)...

A Prayer.

2010-02-05T20:48:00.000-05:00

Do not let
The Fear
overwhelm me.

Save me from
that chasm
when it
opens,
ricocheting
with whispers
prognosticating
a life
of never being
Known.

Hold me
in your
arms.
Carry me
as I hide
my face.

And teach me
how to breathe
again.

DCH.

Sentence-A-Day #5 (a day late AGAIN)

2010-02-05T11:57:00.001-05:00

Hi folks.

Yesterday I was busy working a 13-hour shift (without breaks) for Ontario Elections: I was an Information Assistant for the by-election in the Toronto Centre district.

A job! Woohoo! (And it looks like the Liberal candidate won.)

Anyway, I was so exhausted by the end of the day (NOT from physical exertion - since I doubt even 20 percent of the electors in our riding turned out - but more from pure lack of sleep) that I completely forgot it was Thursday and thus time to post this past week's sentences.

So, without further ado, here's this week's page:

DCH.

To my friends:

I've recently received a slight blow to both my heart and my pride, so an outpouring of kindness would be sincerely appreciated. Thanks. <3

Oops.

2010-02-03T12:15:00.000-05:00

So maybe I AM a crazed conspiracy theorist.

Turns out, there's this one woman who works the deli who usually only works about a shift every few weeks (basically, just enough to keep the job because she has another one she likes better). Well, she decided she wanted a few shifts this week. And since she has higher seniority than me (and a couple other people), we got bumped off the schedule for her.

So my four days off? Not a conspiracy - just a gift ;)

DCH.

I can't get this out of my head:

Seriously. I woke up with it still playing, mid-song. Make it stop. Please.

The saga continues.

2010-02-02T14:00:00.002-05:00

Alright. So I know I sort of sound like a crazed conspiracy theorist. Most of you probably think I'm exaggerating things about what's going on with my boss.

And it's true - maybe, no matter how hard I try, I stink at working a deli counter. Maybe I SHOULD be sent to talk to the Store Manager because I wrap the cheese too tight at the end of the night...

But honestly? I don't think I'm making this up.

Largely because this week it has translated to her only booking me for three days of work.

That's right - after tonight's shift, I'm off through Saturday. And I'll find out Thursday what next week's schedule is.

Now, to be fair, I DID book a day off so that I could work the election on Thursday - but giving me four days off instead of just the one (or even the usual two per week) is a bit of overkill, n'est-ce pas?

Anyway, I plan on using these precious days off to do another draft (or two) of my HOUSE spec, finish my full-length play that I started back during my first year of grad school, and begin serious work on my second draft of my feature film (which was my Master's thesis project).

So maybe this is a gift in disguise?

DCH.

In honour of last week's Doppelganger Week on Facebook:

I always got told I looked like Diane Keaton while I lived in New York (never anywhere else).

Probably because New Yorkers <3 Woody Allen and all of his works.

O.K. So this one's just a doppelganger in name, rather than appearance.

My mom named me after Diahann Carroll because she thought her name was beautiful.

But my dad insisted that they not spell my name the same way--

--otherwise, he thought, I wouldn't know how to spell my name until grade two.

I don't necessarily LOOK like her or anything, but several times in high school I was told that I reminded people of Phoebe Buffay on FRIENDS.

I could never tell whether this was a good thing or not.

Sentence-A-Day #4

2010-01-29T00:37:00.001-05:00

(For those of you who read yesterday's blog entry: no, I have not yet finished my HOUSE spec - but I only have a few short scenes left to finish, which I will finish tomorrow morning. Not bad for having been only half-way through before I challenged myself yesterday morning! (That's over 20 pages written in two days!)

Anyway, it's on to this week's Sentence-A-Day update. I wasn't feeling super inspired this week, and not all of the sentences are really that grammatically correct. A couple are downright awkward. (Probably due to the fact that I mostly kept forgetting about doing this every night, and would have to roll out of bed after I had just gotten comfortable to scribble something down and post it...)

DCH.

Song that got stuck in my head the other day (and that I'm making a mistake bringing up, because it'll just get stuck in there again):

Mike Posner's cover of Beyoncé's "Halo"

I got his whole album, A Matter of Time, on iTunes (but it apparently doesn't exist on there anymore).

Cue Theme Music

2010-01-27T13:21:00.002-05:00

Okay.

I think my boss is looking for a reason to fire me.

It has made me angry.

So I'm going to use today and tomorrow to finish my HOUSE M.D. spec.

In honour of this challenge, here are a few inspiring theme songs (if I can figure out how to embed their videos):

Because I'm exactly like Rocky. And I'm a fan of funky transition edits.

No, I'm not spinning in circles in my office. But I am on the inside.

Okay. So Eminem doesn't quite jive with the above videos.

But this is the song I'm practicing for Hip Hop Karaoke next month.

I find it inspirational.

DCH.

Why my life is otherwise good:

I have a home, food, family, and good friends who love me. So even if my job stinks, I'm happy.

Sentence-A-Day #3 (a day late...)

2010-01-22T10:03:00.003-05:00

Woops. I've been getting so caught up in the whole "late night fracas" that I forgot to post this week's sentence-a-day last night. (PeeWee Herman was just too funny on Conan last night. So was Robin Williams.)

But back to my story; I hope you're enjoying this little trip down the rabbit-hole.

(For those just getting here: the first sentence on this page was already posted last week. So no, I didn't forget how to count to seven.) (Oh - and for the first seven sentences of them all, go here.)

Yes. I know I need to do more illustrations.

I hope no one wants to kill me for doing the whole "it was only a dream" thing - but at least I didn't make it that the WHOLE story was just a dream. But maybe I should...? (Just kidding. I'D want to kill me then.)

DCH.

Reason Why I'm Glad My Computer Doesn't Have A Camera Installed:

Ever heard of GhostNet? I don't want Chinese spies to see me in my pj's. Duh.

The Big Gold Belt

2010-01-19T15:04:00.001-05:00

Today as I was getting dressed, I decided to make a statement.

"It's my day off," I thought. "Let's get as far away from the work uniform as possible."

So I started dressing in a manor somewhat business-casual (which is how I would normally dress): slacks, a frilly blouse, a cardigan.

But it seemed too bland.

So I pulled out The Big Gold Belt my friend gave me and belted it around my waist.

And in putting on The Big Gold Belt, I thought to myself that it was my way of proclaiming that, "Today I'm celebrating my day off by dressing in a way very different from the deli's uniform, in the hopes that I won't have to work there too much longer."

Maybe it's a bit flashy and a little verbose (for a belt), but I think it's apt.

DCH.

Today's New Reason for Trying to Find a New Job:

All the random bruises and burn scars I'm collecting all over my body. SO not worth it.

Sentence-A-Day #2

2010-01-14T23:36:00.000-05:00

So I think I just embarrassed myself by asking a relative if I'd offended her because she'd blocked me on Facebook, giving the only reasons I could think of for why she might possibly be upset with me (which were far-fetched), only to learn that she hadn't blocked me - she had just re-started her profile (after trying to close it) with only her most intimate friends and super-high security settings...

So in giving my "possible reasons" for offense, I actually revealed more than she had previously known...

Oh well. At least now I know it had nothing to do with me.

Since, you know, the world isn't always about me. (Shocking. I know.)

Anywho, today's the day to update you, my captive audience (of four people) on my Sentence-A-Day stuff. (If you want to read the first seven sentences, go here.)

Here are this week's seven exciting sentences:

The seventh sentence is on a partial page, so it'll be shown again next week (sorry):

I'm actually getting excited about wherever this is going... I hope you're enjoying the ride, too ;)

DCH.

What I'm Reading Today (sort of, on and off):

OLD GORIOT by Honoré de Balzac

What I'll Put Balzac Down To Read Tomorrow:

DEAD AND GONE by Charlaine Harris (the most recent Sookie Stackhouse novel...) Shameful. I know.

Sentence-A-Day

2010-01-07T22:02:00.000-05:00

Well now.

Happy New Year.

I don't really make resolutions, but I do sort of have a plan to become more disciplined in terms of writing - so maybe that's a resolution?

Anyway, I've joined some cousins and friends who have this private Image-A-Day journal online - but instead of submitting pictures, I've decided to write one sentence every day this year, eventually culminating in a story.

It could turn out really crappy, since I can't go back and edit anything, but it should also be an interesting exercise.

Anyway, I thought I might share my work on here - but just update all y'all once a week. (Golly! Gee! SEVEN whole sentences at ONCE!!!)

I'm handwriting each sentence in a notebook I'm keeping solely for this purpose, and scanning each page to create a jpeg (scanning the same page several days in a row, as I add each new sentence). So what I'll do is simply upload this week's (completed page) jpegs for your viewing pleasure (instead of each jpeg, which would get repetitive since it has previous sentences on it).

Hope you enjoy!

DCH.

Current TV show obsession:

VERONICA MARS

I need a new job.

2009-12-24T00:19:00.003-05:00

So I don't want to complain. I actually like most of the people I work with at the grocery store (but not the Assistant Store Manager. She's a bitch with a capital BEE-YOTCH. Really. I don't use that word lightly.)

And this job enables me to pay rent, cell phone, cable/internet, and even buy a few groceries. All good things. (Well...with a bit of Social Assistance it enables me to do all these things...)

But I need something else. Whether it's just another job as well as this one (so I can actually also pay my student loans - for which the payments are actually more than rent, cell phone, cable/internet, and groceries all combined - and which are currently in a default status...),

OR (and preferably),

something entirely different that pays enough so I only have to work that job.

Something in my field would be really nice.

But I'll be content with something that doesn't require me to wash my hands so many times each day. Seriously. My hands have a horrid red rash on them now because of all the hand washing - and when I put lotion on them 10 minutes ago, they started to burn so bad it almost brought tears to my eyes...

I know I need to finish my HOUSE spec. There are always excuses why this doesn't happen (this week and last week, it was making Christmas cards and gifts - and getting caught up on watching DEXTER. The week before that, it was because I was sick.).

But once I get back from Christmas with my family in three days, I'll have no excuses. All my spare time will be devoted to writing.

And looking for another job.

DCH.

Valuable skill I have acquired at my job:

The ability to estimate 200 g of shaved Chimichurri Angus Roast Beef. With one hand. Can I put that on my resume?

Oh - and here's the final design for my Christmas card.

(It's a little more stylized than my original sketch. First, I traced the picture with pencil onto Air Mail paper. Then I went over it with a calligraphy pen. Then, finally, I went over the outer edges with a wet paintbrush, dipped in water, to blur the lines slightly. Eventually, I took this and glued it onto a thicker paper, which became the card.)

I hope you like it :)

Merry Christmas!

Wednesday. No other words come to mind other than "Hump Day."

2009-12-09T22:55:00.000-05:00

O.K. So I didn't meet my goal. I totally got side-lined this weekend with social events.

But I DID get through the first 15 pages of my first draft of my HOUSE script. So that's something.

I also started working back at the grocery store. Fantastic. Working in the Deli/Hot Meals Ready/Seafood department presents many opportunities to deal with finicky customers, while also obtaining a not-so-subtle scent of cooked chicken and raw fish.

This spells excellence, especially in the love life department (which equals non-active, as of this moment).

Yes, I still plan to finish this script. However, I got distracted over the past two days with a Very Good Opportunity - an interview for a Really Great Job. (O.K. So those images have nothing to do with the actual job - they're just what comes up when you type those words into Google Images.)

But I may have blown my chances...

See, The Interview was originally scheduled for Monday at 1:30 pm. The company in question was located on John Street in Toronto - so I Googled the directions in Google Maps an hour and a half before my interview, found the location, and discovered I had to take the GO train to get there (which I've never taken).

Luckily, there's a stop just around the corner from where I live, so I went to the platform to buy a ticket and catch the train - only to discover that the ticket machine was broken and you can't buy tickets on the train.

Of course, this was now only 15 minutes before the train was to arrive, and no one on the platform seemed to know where else I could buy a ticket. I was about to panic, when a lady from GO transit showed up and fixed the machine literally 5 minutes before my train arrived.

Phew!

So I got to John Street at just the right time...

...only to discover that the address of this company didn't exist.

At least, not on the John Street Google directed me to.

Turns out there's more than one John Street in Toronto.

So I had to call the company and reschedule my interview for the next day, explaining to them what happened. Luckily, they were nice enough to accommodate me.

(But, of course, everyone I met at my interview the next day had to tease me about getting lost. EVERYBODY in the office knew. AND one woman was kind enough to inform me that another woman was actually shot and killed in the exact location I'd gone to the day before, shortly after I left. Nice.)

Anyway, now I'm wondering whether my getting lost will actually help me, by making me more memorable, or hinder me, by making me seem incompetent.

I'm not gambling - I sent a nice, follow-up thank-you card today, just to play it safe.

DCH.

Thing I'm thankful for today:

It's my day off. And I'm thankful I have something to have a day off OF.

PS Here's my rough sketch of the picture for the holiday card I plan on making this year. What do you think?

Goals. I have them.

2009-12-03T09:14:00.000-05:00

Hi there.

So it's been a while since I've blogged.

I've had a few setbacks in the past month or so (namely, the show I was finally going to script on got canceled, and it's hard for me to keep justifying to myself taking the time to write when I really need to find a job to pay the bills...).

But I now have a goal, and I will try to use this blog to keep me accountable to it:

I will finish my House M.D. outline today - and will finish the first draft of my script by Saturday night.

This is possible. I have done it before (with the first draft of my True Blood spec).

So... off I go! Let's see what happens!

DCH.

Blog to check out:

http://youngromantic.wordpress.com/

Interviews. Ugh.

2009-11-27T17:11:00.001-05:00

I haven't been very good about posting lately, and I really don't have much time to do so right now. (I have an interview in half an hour at the local branch of the grocery store... It has fallen to this. Yes, yes it has.)

Yesterday I had an interview for a data entry job. It took me an hour and a half to get there. And they only pay $12/hour. (I figured out, with all my student loans and allowing for income tax, I probably need a job that pays $20/hour to stay afloat...) But of course I'll take it if they offer it.

What is this world coming to?!

Anyway, as a way of escaping current desperate circumstances and remembering some happier times, I ended up going through my old pictures. I thought you might at least get a smile from a few of them.

I was a Diva when I was an infant. What else can I say?

An example of my photographic prowess when I was 12 years old.

And my excellent taste in sweatsuits.

This is me in Grade 9, baby.

Go ahead and laugh.

DCH.

Current premise for House.

2009-11-22T11:02:00.002-05:00

Hi. So this post isn't really a real blog. It's just me putting my premise idea for my spec script for House out there so I can get some feedback.

Right now it's just the germ of an idea.

"When a missionary on sabbatical shows up at Princeton-Plainsboro complaining of malaria-like symptoms despite having taken malaria pills, House takes on her case, against his team's objections - and ends up learning an important lesson about his relationship with Cuddy."

Would you watch this episode, if it were actually made? Is this idea too vague or confusing?

Please comment.

DCH.

Really being a grown-up.

2009-11-13T19:31:00.001-05:00

Growing up is difficult.

Even when you're 30, it's hard (or maybe especially when you're 30...).

It's tough to be responsible for your own life, sink or swim, and not feel entitled to having everyone rescue you.

I think, for the first time in my life, that's what I'm really going through right now. Man, it's taken a lo-o-ong time for me to finish my adolescence, hasn't it?

But I'm happy that I'm finally there, on the cusp so to speak. I'm glad that I don't really want to be rescued this time.

Sure, I joke about it, about wanting a rich benefactor to appear, or some sort of miracle to happen that makes my student loan company decide to forgive all my loans (and don't get me wrong: I wouldn't turn these things down if they happened) - BUT...

...I kind of want to figure this out myself. I want to tough it out, be creative, and make it through. I want to take responsibility for my life.

Hmm... That sounds kind of prideful and hard. Maybe I just don't want to share any credit with anyone else when things inevitably come through... (Is it pride?)

Or - actually - maybe deep down it's not that I wouldn't like help. Maybe it's that I don't want to have that feeling of entitlement like I DESERVE to be helped, you know? I think that might be closer to the truth.

I really want to be a grown-up, work for my bread, and not be expecting everyone else to take care of me. But I also don't want to harden myself to others or push them away if they want to help me.

That's a tough balance. Does anyone ever figure it out?

I'm serious. Do they?

DCH.

Update:

The sun still rose this morning, and there is hope for another day.

I will NOT give up.

2009-11-11T18:38:00.000-05:00

But days like today make it hard.

- Dollhouse is cancelled after this season. I'm still going to finish my spec because I like it and I've worked so long on it and I need to write, but still...

- I didn't get the job with Kaplan.

- I spent all day applying to countless mindless temp jobs.

- and see my earlier post about my phone situation here.

There are silver linings just barely glinting through - but it's so tempting to close my eyes to them and just lie down and wait for everything to fall apart.

I won't, though. I will fight.

It's just especially hard right now.

DCH.

New silver lining of the week, since the one from earlier today is kinda void now:

I have a profile on IMDb now :)

You know what happens when you assume things, right?

2009-11-11T10:36:00.001-05:00

Moving to a new country can be a real pain in the ass.

So I just *finally* got my bill from my Canadian cell phone provider (after having service cut off on Saturday for my bill being too high). And I understand what happened now.

Because for 6 years I was spoiled with cell phone service from Verizon in the U.S., I had made certain assumptions. Like, that evenings and weekends were unlimited minutes. I mean, that's pretty common for U.S. providers.

But not here. Not with my new provider. What I didn't realize is that my 700 minute a month plan is ONLY 700 minutes a month. If I want unlimited nights and weekends, I have to pay an extra $25 a month. And this plan costs about the same, if not a little more than my 550 minute-a-month Verizon plan that had unlimited nights and weekends, which is why I just assumed it was comparable.

And even calling 1-800 numbers uses up minutes. Since I had to do things like talk to my U.S. bank (an 800 number) about changing my address to a Canadian one (which is complicated) and figuring out better ways to make my U.S. student loan payments from Canada, I spent a lot of time talking to them, thinking I wouldn't be charged...

And I called friends and family in the evenings and on weekends, thinking they didn't count toward my minutes total.

And there's not really a way to check my current minute usage. Or, at least, I haven't figured it out yet.

So I went over my 700 minutes by 237 minutes. At 35 cents a minute. I really got slammed. My bill is over $200 and my phone has been cut off because of assumptions I made based on my U.S. cell phone provider. I have no money to pay this right now, so that means my phone will have to stay off until I figure all of this out.

And right when I'm in the middle of a job search.

A rich benefactor really would be nice right about now.

But I have the distinct feeling that I need to deal with this - that I have to grow up and find a way to take care of myself. Even if I'm scared.

DCH.

Silver lining of the week:

I finally started writing my spec script yesterday. So that's something.

There's no accounting for taste.

2009-11-06T13:05:00.003-05:00

Why do I do this to myself?

What I'm referring to here is my string of bad luck in terms of favourite television shows - and the spec scripts I write for them.

The first spec I wrote was for Pushing Daisies, which was promptly canceled after I finished it.

The second spec was for True Blood, which is still doing fine - I pride myself on my predicting it would explode in terms of fans during the second season - but my spec for that is already outdated, since I wrote it just before that second season started.

And now my third spec, still in outline stage, is for Dollhouse, which is in serious danger of not being renewed for a third season if the ratings don't go up.

True, it's been stuck in the Friday death slot - 9 pm, when most of the target audience is doing other things. And there's hardly any advertising for it. And the first 6 episodes of the first season were pretty bad.

BUT it really is a smart show. And if you have faith in Joss Whedon and what he's done before (Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog), then you slog through those first episodes and realize the beauty beneath.

And then you get to the second season and get to the third and fourth episodes - "Belle Chose" and "Belonging" - and you cheer. Because THAT'S the Joss you know and love.

Anyway, I'm still going to finish this spec. Because I like it. I'm excited about it. And, even if the show gets canceled, it will have been a good writing exercise for me.

But it sure would be nice if my taste coincided with the more mainstream and I thus had an easier time finding work.

Oh well. Since it doesn't, and I like the dark, quirky, thoughtful, fantastical dramas, I'll just have to keep writing what I love and hope I meet someone like Joss some day.

DCH.

Next show to spec:

Fringe.

*If you're a Dollhouse fan and want to save the show, visit the following websites: http://www.whyiwatch.com/ and http://www.activatedollhouse.com/. Also, buy the DVDs!

Halloween fun.

2009-11-03T15:21:00.000-05:00

Just thought I'd share a picture of me in my Halloween costume. I went as She-Ra. :)

For the honour of Grey Skull!

I...AM...SHE-RA!!!

DCH.

I might regret this tomorrow.

2009-11-01T19:03:00.003-05:00

So I'm a little drunk right now.

My landlord came over to finish a few of the things that still needed to be done (namely, installing my stove's range and caulking the counter and bathtub), and brought a couple of his Indian friends. Afterwards, we all drank rum to celebrate.

I am such a lightweight. I had two generous shots and am now drunk.

I thought this might be a fun time to write a random blog. We'll see if I do it without too many typos (yes, I originally wrote "write" as "right" - and went back to correct it).

Let's see. Not too much has happened that would be interesting to anyone other than me: I went to a Halloween party last night, dressed as She-Ra, and got mistaken as Wonder Woman a couple times (not my costume's fault - the people who mistook me were just too young to know her, poor things).

Today, I basically went to church, then sat at home while my landlord and his buddies did their work. And got free rum out of the bargain.

Now might be a good time to write about things I've been too inhibited about before, though.

[Edited on 11-02-09: Yes, I wrote about a couple things that I later decided, when sober, would be best not to have posted on the internet. Big surprise.]

I'm insecure about my writing. I haven't really worked too much on my stuff for the past few weeks, and now that I've finally started re-working my Dollhouse outline, I realize I might have to start from scratch because of this new season. Bummer.

I don't know what else to say. This is a dangerous moment right now for me to be typing this blog; I could say too much, you know? I'm not in the right state.... But maybe this is a good thing. You know, I can "be free" and all that jazz.

And I keep remembering that my landlord left the extra rum. It's in the kitchen. Only one room away...

Had this been a year or two ago, I would be in the troublesome situation of either being super-depressed and doing something stupid, or making out with a random stranger. Is it good or is it sad that instead I'm choosing to blog?

I shall select good.

O.K. I think it's time to end this. I don't know if this entry will make sense to anyone other than me. Maybe I'll delete it all tomorrow. Heck, it made me smile. I hope it did you, too.

DCH.

Random factoid:

Since I'm drunk, I will give you something about me and alcohol.

When I drink wine, I often feel it first in my shoulders. They get super-relaxed, and I can feel all the tension just melting away.

With any other hard liquor, I mostly feel it in my lips.

I don't really drink beer, so I can't say anything about that.

Indolence.

2009-10-29T14:34:00.002-04:00

Confession is the first step to recovery, right?

I just realized the other day that I am indolent. This is an adjective which means, according to Dictionary.com, that I "have or show a disposition to avoid exertion; slothful: an indolent person."

In other words, I realized that I AM LAZY.

Even though I barely have any money and really need to find another job to support myself, a typical day for me (lately) looks like this:

8:30 - 9:00 A.M. : Wake up. Sometimes later.
9:00 - 10:00 A.M. : Prayer/meditation/etc.
10:00 - 10:45 A.M. : Work out. Usually by doing Tae Bo.
10:45 - 11:30 A.M. : Personal grooming.
11:30 A.M. - 12:00 P.M.: Breakfast.
12:00 - 1:30 P.M. : Check emails/Facebook/Twitter/friend's blogs/read NY Times online.
1:30 - 3:30 P.M. : Job search. Or work on my Dollhouse spec. Or make calls I need to make.
3:30 - 4:30 P.M. : Waste time going back on Facebook. Or thinking about dinner. Or eating lunch.
4:30 - 5:00 P.M. : Waste more time, telling myself that my new boss might be calling soon.
5:00 - 5:15 P.M. : Wait for my boss to call.
5:15 - 7:30 P.M. : a) If my boss called, do whatever he asked me to do, or b) if he didn't call, do something dumb like watch T.V.
7:30 - 10:30 P.M. : Call friends to see if they want to hang out. If so, go out and do something cool. If not, make dinner and watch more T.V. Or read a book. Or watch a DVD.
10:30 - 11:00 P.M. : Get ready for and go to bed.

Looking at my schedule, I deserve to be broke. I'm already living as if I were a celebrity, even though I'm NOT one.

See, I took the job I have because it's part time and pays well. And I hope to find another job just like it. That way, I'd have enough to pay my bills, but still have time to write.

But there's not much time in that schedule devoted to writing now, is there?

I need to rectify that. Either that, or go find some sort of manual labour position like the ones my parents have (Au Trans IS hiring, after all).

AAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHH!

DCH.

Question of the Day:

How have I devolved from eating garlic-roasted chicken for dinner to eating M&M's for lunch?

In response to a job ad.

2009-10-24T16:51:00.001-04:00

So I already got one job this week - as personal assistant to a comedian - but it's only part-time. It's fun, but I need more money than it provides.

As a result, I was job-searching this afternoon and found the following ad for a VERY well-paid internship - in publishing. The tone of the ad was fun, so here's how I reciprocated in my cover letter:

Dear generous folks at ---:

my name is Diane, and I happened upon your advertisement for an intern today on Work in Culture; I sincerely believe I would be a great addition to your team.

By perusing my attached résumé, you might at first only notice my extensive experience in the film and television industry - which might make you, as book people, less inclined to like me. I understand completely.

However, upon a second (if peremptory) glance, you might then recognize that I am someone who actually leans more toward the writing side of things; in fact, I not only recently finished my Master of Fine Arts in Writing for the Screen and Stage, but also studied Literature/Writing as an undergraduate.

I know that my degree is not in Publishing,* but my first love is books - I have been a book lover for longer than I have had coherent memories - and would sincerely enjoy studying how this first love and technology complement each other.* These two things should create harmony rather than discord, I believe.

Thank you very much for your time. Even if you do not take my application seriously, I hope that you have at least been entertained by my cover letter. Should you, however, wish to reach me, you can either email me at ---, or call me at ---.

Sincerely, etc.

PS I spent the entirety of my four-year undergraduate experience in New York City, studying at Columbia University, so you would not need to worry about me if you sent me there.*

PPS I also know Microsoft Excel. We are getting along better and better every day. It sends you well-wishes.*

*These are specific criteria they mentioned in their post, just so you're not confused.

I figure, even if they don't contact me, at least I will have brightened someone's day.

DCH.

Best gastronomical item I've had today:

Oatmeal with milk, strawberries, and a teaspoon of honey. And a glass of apple juice to wash it down. Mmm!

(If it weren't for the fact that I've been eating it every day this week, my upcoming dinner of: 1) tomato, mozzarella, and basil salad; 2) garlic-roast chicken with potatoes and onions; and 3) vanilla ice cream with fruit and M&M's; would rank right up there, too.)

T.O.

2009-10-15T13:04:00.000-04:00

So I'm in Toronto now. I'm actually typing this from my little office, painted a bright Cotton Candy Pink (soon to be rectified), in my lovely apartment. I'm very happy.

A corner of my office.

This has all happened so fast - I came to TIFF, decided I should move here, and within a week found a place. Two weeks later, I was here.

I spent my first week in residence cleaning and finding all the little things you need when you live by yourself for the first time (all that's left to get is living room furniture - which is tough with a front door that's only 25" wide - and to paint my office, as well as the kitchen and bathroom, which are a lovely shade of Sea Foam straight out of the early '60s).

My kitchen. Nice except for the paint (and the missing range).

Now to find a job.

As mentioned previously, I already faxed out my resume to all the productions currently shooting in Toronto. Yesterday I also checked out a few sites (given to me by a new friend) that list positions in the arts: Work in Culture and Canada Arts Connect (which you can also follow on Twitter: @CdaArtsConnect). I sent out a couple resumes.

I'm half-tempted to apply at the local Value Village, which is looking for part-time help (they're always swamped around Halloween), or Taco Bell... But then there would really have been no point to my moving out of my parents' basement (which was rent-free) and quitting my part-time job at the grocery store. Especially since a part-time job couldn't cover my student loans before - there'd be no way it'd also cover rent, groceries, cable/internet, and cell phone now...

*sigh*

I'm O.K. for now - I have enough to make it through November - but I really need to get work soon so I can save enough for December...

And I haven't been writing. Not just this blog, but at all - I even finished my last journal and haven't bought a new one yet. I've just been so busy with moving and everything... So that was the first order of business today (well, aside from sending another wire transfer): write on my blog.

Then search for work.

Then work on my spec for Dollhouse.

It feels nice to be settling in and getting back into a routine. It's also nice to be living close to friends. And cooking for myself. And just being a grown-up in general. :)

DCH.

Opinion of the Day:

The only legitimate use of sea foam should be when discussing the actual foam of the sea. The colour should be outlawed for wall paint.

An example of legitimate sea foam.

Frustration is...

2009-10-02T16:21:00.000-04:00

...the contractor only showing up on Wednesday instead of Monday - making it impossible for you to move into your new apartment, even though you have a full UHaul parked outside.

...being misdirected twice by UHaul as to where to drop off the truck, resulting in a two-and-a-half hour roundabout through Toronto rush hour traffic.

...having to return to your parents' house - now to sleep on a couch, since the bed you WERE sleeping on is now disassembled and locked in your not-as-yet-ready apartment - after leaving on a joyful high that morning.

...resorting to faxing resumes from your parents printer/fax/scanner, which has to be unplugged from the computer, dragged across the house, and plugged into a phone jack, since you now can't apply in person.

...not being able to re-apply for the Ontario Health Insurance Plan because you don't have proof of residence.

...not being able to re-apply for your Ontario Driver's License - which would be proof of residence - because you're not sure what category you fall into: someone renewing an expired Ontario license (a $75 fee), or someone exchanging an out-of-country (Illinois) license (no fee?).

...a twisty, hard feeling in the pit of your stomach, that makes you clench your jaw and want to snap at anyone who misguidedly thinks it a good idea to talk to you.

Isn't this a fun game? I always love "fill-in-the-blank" sort of things. Go ahead and use the comments section to finish the sentence in your own way!

DCH.

Bible Verse That Seems Strangely Applicable:

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4).

Mommy wow!

2009-09-27T17:44:00.000-04:00

I'm a big kid now.

I just filled out the application for a beautiful one-bedroom apartment in Toronto. To live in all by myself - no roommates.

And, since I've already finished my terminal degree, there's nothing else on the horizon; this looks to be permanent.

I'm sort of scared.

I don't have a job in Toronto yet. Technically, I haven't even given notice at the grocery store in London yet (my boss has been on vacation - but the assistant manager knows, and is going to be the one to break it to her tomorrow...). I'm still in my probationary period, though, so it doesn't really matter.

I have enough to live off of for two months - but after that...?

Uhhh....

If any of you live in Toronto, or know people in the TV and film industry there, let me know if you hear of an opening in the Story Department of a one-hour drama (script coordinator or writers' assistant would be nice).

OR, if you know of any film directors who need an assistant, I have experience (ahem, I worked for the director of Saw II, III, and IV during pre-production of Repo! The Genetic Opera.).

And, well, I will also always P.A. I've done that before, too (even for a J.C. Penney commercial).

I guess what I'm really scared of is losing my new home - it is so wonderful, I don't want to have to leave it... I'm even scared I won't be able to find suitable furniture to furnish it, since I don't have any extra cash to buy new stuff... But there IS a Value Village just down the street...

Maybe all this fear is real and actual proof of my being a grown-up. One day, I might even graduate to having a mortgage!

Anyway, I started this post to rave about my new apartment, and ended up just talking about how petrified I am because of it - how twisted is that?! I'm actually more happy and excited than scared... Everything's happening so quickly! I only decided to move to Toronto about a week and a half ago... and here I am now, with a place to move into!

Yay!

Yours to discover.

2009-09-23T15:32:00.005-04:00

For those of you readers who hail from outside of the Great White North, you may not know that this is Ontario's slogan. Sort of like New York's

campaign, but less commercial. And not nearly as loaded (or bitter) as Québec's "Je me souviens" (literally translated "I remember...").

And that's what I feel like I'm doing. Discovering.

Last night, although I was really tired and should have gone to bed, I stayed up because I wanted to watch the premiere of THE GOOD WIFE at 10. And since nothing was on at 9 o'clock (because I'd already watched BEING ERICA at 8), I decided to watch the news. But I chose to watch the CBC's The National instead of any American broadcast. And as I sat there and watched the gentler, less sensationalized, more globalized news as shared by my compatriot Peter Mansbridge, I suddenly realized that I have a crush on my country. And it's possible it could grow into love pretty quickly...

I've lived in the U.S. for over a quarter of my life now, and want to work in an industry which is largely dominated by them. This made me look at my nationality almost like it was an obstacle to what I wanted to do; I almost felt like I had to hide it sometimes, so I could "trick" people into liking my work, hook them into hiring me, and then (and only then) bring up the complicated topic of work visas. Obviously, this never actually worked.

But now that I'm back, and especially after my visit to Toronto, I've discovered anew how great my country actually is. It's far less populated; a lot more socialist (boogedy boogedy, you Republican Americans!); people really are nicer; the landscape is pretty and CLEAN; and there's a lot more openness to less-commercial film concepts, since the government helps subsidize the film industry here.

And that's just a practical, cold, selfish, point of view. It doesn't even touch the fact that my family is here, all the people I grew up with are here, and some people I'm hoping to get to know better are here...

I'm really proud to be a part of this country, and I'm getting more and more excited at the idea of actually staying here and setting down roots - instead of trying to move to L.A. as soon as I get the chance. Los Angeles is still more than likely in my future, but I can always wait until the day I can afford to keep a home both there and here, right? ;)

Anyway, it's like this crush on Canada is on someone who's been a friend of mine for a while, but whose advances I kept resisting, until I suddenly started seeing him with new eyes - so there's some familiarity, because I already know him, but everything still seems exciting and new because of my new perspective. It's really fun and I'm curious to see where it will lead.

(And, if I follow this metaphor through completely, it's like the U.S. is that guy I was head-over-heels with, who kept leading me on and implying that he felt more than he did, until he met someone else and kicked me to the curb, forcing me to finally realize the truth... Just sayin'.)

So that's that. I'm going to stop fighting against the flow and embrace my nationality. It seems as if I should have realized this a lot sooner. O Canada, you've always treated me better than I deserved, especially with the way I've treated you... You're way too good for me - but thanks for sticking with me anyway :).

DCH.

Blerg of the day:

My feet are cold sometimes, our cat is so old she keeps getting sick, and I have no money - but I'm actually pretty happy.

Festing.

2009-09-21T15:18:00.000-04:00

I just spent the past 6 days in Toronto, staying at my cousin's while I went to the Toronto International Film Festival for the first time in my life. It was glorious.

I saw 5 films while I was there (not including the 3 1/2 DVDs I also inevitably watched with my cousin and her roommates), and they were all a lot of fun:

SYMBOL, by Hitoshi Matsumoto, was a Midnight Madness screening, introduced by a man wearing pajamas and a luchador mask, and was really fun. I can't even try to describe it - it's way too surreal and bizarre - but it was hilarious. And it made me ponder a question I've never asked before: "Is the plural of penis penises, or peni?"

You'd understand if you saw the movie.

Then I saw LOVE AND OTHER IMPOSSIBLE PURSUITS, by Don Roos and starring Natalie Portman. I love her. Seriously. I think she is this generation's Audrey Hepburn. And I really liked this movie. I don't think it necessarily has broad mainstream appeal (it tells its story in a non-linear way and has a sort-of open ending), but I thought it was lovely and really showcased Natalie's maturity. Plus Lisa Kudrow was brilliant, and Anthony Rapp and Lauren Ambrose played her best friends. All pluses in my book.

Then, probably the most memorable part of the festival for me was rushing the Gala Premiere of THE IMAGINARIUM OF DOCTOR PARNASSUS, by Terry Gilliam. (This was the film Heath Ledger was making when he died, and Johnny Depp, Jude Law, and Colin Farrell all stepped in to help finish afterwards.) You may remember Terry Gilliam as the former member of Monty Python, and the director responsible for films like BRAZIL, TWELVE MONKEYS, FEAR AND LOATHING IN LAS VEGAS, and THE FISHER KING. Well, he really lets his imagination loose here, too.

And I got to see the film for FREE because I happened to be sitting next to a Festival volunteer in the rush line, whose friend had an extra volunteer voucher (normally Gala Premieres cost over $40). And I was just barely let in - I was almost the cut-off person, but then they let in 3 more people after me... You have no idea how often this actually happens to me. Like when I went to see the West End production of MARY POPPINS in London...

I then saw THE DAY WILL COME/ES KOMMT DER TAG, by Susanne Schneider. It was in German and French, and was super intense.

Finally, the very last film at the festival was a Midnight Madness screening of ONG BAK 2: THE BEGINNING, by Tony Jaa, the amazing Muay Thai genius (who couldn't be there because he's filming ONG BAK 3!!!). I prepared for this screening by watching the first ONG BAK in the morning. It was stunning and totally blew my mind. The second one is also good, and definitely has a much bigger budget, but the story's better in the first one. Don't worry, though - the fight scene at the end of this second movie is about 20 minutes long and involves an ELEPHANT. It's definitely worth seeing :)

So, all in all, the festival was fun. I also had the opportunity to attend a Writers Guild of Canada event, which was a great chance to meet people in the WGC. And I got to go back to The Meeting House on Sunday, which was fun. And I also got to explore the Queen West Art Crawl as well, which was inspiring.

Which all brings me to my big announcement: as long as everything progresses the way it's been progressing, I'm going to move to Toronto next weekend. Woohoo!

It was just invigorating to be in the city, in the thick of things, and I realized I needed to be there if I'm actually going to do this film/TV thing - and the door to L.A. is closed for now anyway. So I will go to Toronto and see what happens! :)

O.K. That's enough for now. Peace out.

DCH.

PS Sorry this entry isn't super organized or well-written - I just basically needed to vomit some of my memories out. There's just too much I could talk about - it would've gotten REALLY long...

Word of the Day:

excited [ik-sahy-tid]

–adjective

1.	stirred emotionally; agitated: An excited crowd awaited the arrival of the famed rock group.

2.	stimulated to activity; brisk: an excited buying and selling of stocks.

Origin:
1650–60; excite + -ed ²

Related forms:

ex⋅cit⋅ed⋅ly, adverb

ex⋅cit⋅ed⋅ness, noun

Synonyms:
1. ruffled, discomposed, stormy, perturbed, impassioned. 2. eager, active, enthusiastic.

So yeah.

2009-09-11T23:46:00.003-04:00

Sometimes I look at my life and go "what the-?!"

I got my B.A. at an Ivy League school, my M.F.A. at a Big Ten school, and where am I now?

Living in my parents' basement, working part-time at a grocery store to try to make my loan payments for that VERY expensive education.

It seems kind of bizarre, doesn't it? Funny even.

Right now, I'm happy because I'm going to be getting more hours at work (at the grocery store) because all the students that have been working there all summer are going back to university.

Ha ha - sometimes I want to point out that they're going to end up right back in that grocery store, like me, but I feel like that would be too cruel. They all seem so hopeful and full of hope.

Looking at what I've written so far, it may come across as bitter and resentful, but I'm actually not (that much). I'm just pointing out the irony.

In fact, this will most likely (hopefully) ... (please?) just be a temporary situation. After all, I'm still writing, working on my scripts, and am networking... from my parents' basement...

It's at times like this, during this moment of fear that I've wasted a lot of time and money, that I suddenly remember that I LIKE WRITING.

I DO IT FOR FUN.

NOT TO GET PAID (although that would be nice).

That's why I have a blog. No one pays me to do this. Although I could always add a Paypal link on here, should you feel like donating to me .

So, really, all that schooling (and money for the schooling that I still have yet to find) was valuable. It helped me to find myself, to realize my purpose, and to feel confident in saying that, "Dammit, YES! I AM A WRITER!!!" (And a director. Although that always seems to come tacked on because people seem more accepting of the idea of a female writer than they are of a female director... But that's a whole other can of worms...)

Breathe... Breathe...

Have you noticed yet, you five readers out there, that I really am writing more for myself than I am for anyone else? I mean literally? You know, like writing to talk myself down from the ledge of frustration/angst/bitterness/every negative emotion?

I hope so. If not, you didn't do so well in high school English class when discussing The Catcher in the Rye's unreliable narrator, did you?

Sorry. I don't mean to insult your intelligence. After all, I don't want to chase you away - the point of a blog's to GET readers, right? Not chase them away?

OK. What was I saying? Oh yeah - I'm a writer. Yes. I'm a writer. I won't apologize for it - not to myself, not to anyone else. Even if it seems crazy sometimes, it's what I do.

And that's that.

DCH.

Favourite Thought of the Day:

When, for a moment, I was worried that I might have brought my bad L.A. driving habits back with me to Southwestern Ontario --

-- and then laughed and remembered that drivers in Southwestern Ontario are far worse than drivers in L.A. At least the ones in Toronto, anyway.

War of the worlds.

2009-09-07T19:31:00.000-04:00

Today is fittingly called "Labor Day," since it was a day of birth pains of sorts. It was a kind of clash of both ends of the spectrum of my world.

First, I spent the majority of the day (after sleeping in of course), working on my writing. At this moment, I'm working on writing a spec script for Joss Whedon's latest show, Dollhouse.**

I've already broken down several episodes of the show, timing how long each scene is, how often each character appears, etc. Today was the day when I finally figured out what MY episode was going to be about. I wrote the "logline," as well as a quick one-page synopsis of my story.

I really love days like this, when all the research and thinking comes together and results in the actual creation of a story...

Anyway, that was the first half of my day.

Then, I got into some clothes I didn't care about, hopped into the car, and drove off to my church to meet up with a couple of other volunteers. We went to pick a few bushels of cucumbers in this farmer's field that he's donating for the benefit of people squeezed by the recession (in this case, a seniors' home). So I drove over that bumpy field, walked out among all those twisty vines, and got eaten alive by mosquitoes to do a job I'd hoped I'd never ever do again after the two summers I suffered on those dang machines back in high school.

It felt good to be doing something to help other people, and don't get me wrong - we were only out there for half an hour and it was kinda fun - but that doesn't mean my fingernails aren't dirty now, or that I'm not cranky because of all those insect bites.

But what really throws me is that that is the world I come from: a world of manual labor.

And after I was finished, I climbed back in the car and came back here to blog about it.

It's just a strange day. A day of paradox.

A day of labor.

DCH.

Quote Of The Day:

"Whom best I love, I cross, to make my gift,
The more delayed, delighted. Be content."
(Jupiter, in Shakespeare's Cymbeline)

**(Now, I know Dollhouse didn't get amazing ratings during its first season - for good reason. BUT it's still Joss-f@#$ing-Whedon, and the unaired 13th episode ("Epitaph One") was stunning. All of his shows, even Buffy the Vampire Slayer, seem to take time to hit their stride - this one's about to hit it, believe me. I was right about True Blood, wasn't I?)

Memory Lane

2009-09-06T23:57:00.004-04:00

I graduated from my Master of Fine Arts in Writing for the Screen and Stage from Northwestern University on June 19th of this year.

Since then (aside from one week I spent at a friend's place), I have been inhabiting my parents' basement.

That's over 2 1/2 months.

I had to get out of there today. Before I went crazy and killed my entire family.

So I went on a trip down memory lane: I went back to visit all the places in Southwestern Ontario I've ever really thought of as home, starting with the ones in closest proximity to where my parents live now, and moving further away (which also, coincidentally, meant I was going from most recent "home" to least recent). It was quite the day.

First, there was Springfield. (Ha ha, yes - there's a Springfield in Ontario. NO, the Simpsons don't live there.). I had forgotten how much I liked living there until today, when I made my little tour through the former-village-now-incorporated-something-or-other. But I didn't really spend much time there.

Then I drove to Tillsonburg. To be honest, I never had much emotional attachment to this town, even though it was where I had my first ever crush; it was the first town my family lived in after my hometown, so I was lonely and had a difficult time making new friends. I spent most my four years there figure skating and reading The Babysitters Club novels. But it was still fun to drive around and see everything that's changed.

Then, finally, I went to Elmira - my hometown. Elmira is a fascinating town - which is why it's actually a tourist town.

There are two reasons why tourists go to Elmira (there used to be three):

1. To see the Amish. They're everywhere. There are hitching posts at McDonald's (think about that one for a moment). There's horse crap on the streets. And there are tourists there to point and stare at all of this.

2. The annual Maple Syrup Festival. Thousands upon THOUSANDS of people come every year for this. The whole town shuts down, and there's a celebration involving many, many pancakes doused in real maple syrup. It's heavenly.

3. The third reason that no longer exists was the race track. People used to come from all over to watch the horse races and lose all their money gambling on them. But the track was demolished over a decade ago (due to much pressure from members of the community), and is now replaced by a splendid new community centre.

Oh - and St. Jacobs Country is only about 20 minutes away - where there are EVEN MORE Amish people and a GINORMOUS FARMER'S MARKET.

Anyway, this was where I spent the majority of my day today, and a flood of memories came back to me while I was there. (Picture me as a cute little blonde girl with her front teeth missing... The one on the left in this picture).

When I went to visit my old elementary school, I remembered this time in Kindergarten when I was late to school. I was in the afternoon class, and would sometimes get a little daydream-y on the way to school, stopping to look at leaves and flowers, and would end up late for class... Anyway, this one day, I got to school and no one was outside, which they usually were when I got there (for lunch recess). So I peeked in my classroom's window to see if my class was already in there.

Well, when I looked in the window and didn't recognize anyone, I assumed the morning class was still in there and I was early - so I waited for everyone to come out at lunch, while playing by myself in a corner of the school where there were no windows (so I wouldn't get caught). It was actually kind of like that scene out of American Beauty, because all I did that entire time was kind of watch this bag and some leaves blow around in the wind. Then I went in to class when everyone came out - which was actually the afternoon recess. I had spent half the afternoon outside by myself.

Then there was this one other time when I was five that I ended up walking home from school with a bunch of kids from my apartment building who were older than me and known for getting in trouble. It was pouring rain, and they decided to take a "shortcut" through a stranger's backyard. I didn't want to, but I was the littlest and they talked me into it. Turns out this "shortcut" went directly across this person's garden (instead of around it, for some reason) - which happened to now be a square of mud, thanks to the rain.

The long and the short of it is that I ended up stuck in the middle of the garden, unable to move because my rain boots were caked with too much mud, and all those kids abandoned me. The owner of the house then came outside to scold me, but I started crying, so he ended up helping me out by putting a plank of wood across the mud, walking across it, and yanking me out of my boots. I had to walk home in my socks, but I also never trespassed again.

Then finally, there was this other time, around when I was seven, and again after a rainy period, when a friend and I were walking home from school past the park (which we were not allowed to walk through by ourselves, but still did sometimes anyway). The creek was high that day - usually, we could've probably stood in its clear water and only have it come up to our knees, but this day, it looked like chocolate milk and was way above our heads, almost to the top of the banks. Well, while we were walking by, another kid got too close to the edge and slipped in. We ran to help him, and my friend grabbed his hand while another kid went to get help from a grown-up. It was really scary, because that kid could've easily drowned...

Anyway, there were many more random memories as I strolled around my old town - walking along the side of the street in the fall through crunching leaves to go to McDonald's for a Happy Meal with my parents; all those bushes full of these weird orange berries that I still can't identify, but liked squishing under my feet when they covered the sidewalk; the time a bully made fun of me and my dad got so mad when he heard about it that he made me get in the car so we could go find him and give him a "stern talking to." Obviously, there's darkness, violence, and drug dealers there - but I never knew that side of things because we moved away when I was ten, so it will always be the ideal home for me.

I thought about it as I drove "home" (taking my time, stopping by the Conestoga Mall, and driving through Kitchener and Waterloo (Please click on this link. Please.)). Here I was, visiting all the places I'd lived with my family before I left home for the first time. While I was "living" with my family again.

I've been really frustrated lately, feeling like I'm stuck in the role of a teenager all over again. It's really excruciating having to rely on my parents again while I work part-time just to try and pay my student loans. I don't have the money to live anywhere else yet.

But going to all these places helped me to remember what it was actually like to be a child - and reminded me that I'm NOT one now. I may be stuck right now, but I am still an adult. A full-grown woman, if you will.

So, I guess the moral of this story is that, although too much nostalgia can be a bad thing, my trip down memory lane today was good - it helped me to re-focus and remember who I am right now.

DCH.

Book I'm Reading Right Now:

Reel Spirituality by Robert K. Johnston

Books I'm About To Read:

Do You Think I'm Beautiful? and When Wallflowers Dance by Angela Thomas

Books On My Soon-To-Be-Read List:

Love In The Time Of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez
The Rapture by Liz Jensen

Not a fan of financial institutions. But then again, who is these days?

2009-09-02T21:38:00.001-04:00

Today I made my first international wire transfer.

That sounds far more exciting and daring than it actually was.

I actually just wired money from my Canadian banking account to my American one, so I could make my (29 day delinquent) student loan payment. (Side note: Why, since the private loans I have are specifically for Canadians who studied in the United States, am I required to have an American account to make my loan payments???)

Originally, my American bank (which rhymes with "Smittybank") claimed they could simply transfer the money for no charge from my Canadian bank (which rhymes with "Bank of CountryAll"). All they needed was my transit and routing number. They could process it like a check.

BUT, after waiting for a week for this to happen, they called to tell me they had an invalid transit number - and when the guy started reading it back to me on the phone, it turned out it was because someone had added a 0 to the beginning. Apparently, since Canadian banks only have 8-digit routing numbers (instead of 9 like American banks), someone at Smittybank thought they'd help me out and give me a whole other digit of my very own. Grrr.

So now I had to pay over $40 to wire the money, since I don't want my loans to go to Collections...

I'm not that upset though. Smittybank usually treats me well, so I can forgive them.

My main peeve right now is with the National Student Loan Service Centre, which has (so far) taken over 5 MONTHS to mail a loan check to my grad school. They keep sending it to the wrong campus (to Northwestern's Chicago instead of Evanston campus), and for some reason think I'm a medical student (hence, making the missing check out to "Northwestern Medical School").

This really cheeses me off because the check's almost not worth it anyway. It's not even $4000 Canadian (which is only about $3500 USD). And I still owe a total of about $9000 on the account anyway. I'm almost tempted to cancel the check - except for the fact that it's my one and only federal loan, for which I can apply for loan forgiveness (if the check ever actually reaches its proper destination).

But the Canadian government better not be the cause of my account going to Collections!!!

Anyway. Enough griping about money. I'm not actually that stressed about all of this. I just felt I needed to get a rant out of the way on my new blog.

Now that that's done, we can move on to happier and more creative pursuits :)

DCH

Haiku of the Day:

"2 a.m."

Cat meows, brother laughs
My mother hushes them both
while I try to sleep.

Back to the drawing board...?

2009-09-01T18:07:00.000-04:00

Hi.

So lately I've been thinking that I should start blogging again. (I'm stating the obvious here, considering you are obviously currently reading the first entry of my new blog.)

I used to blog on Myspace, but I didn't want to go back to that blog for several reasons, including the following:

1. I don't go on Myspace anymore.

2. My old blog became pretty emo by the end, and I want to start with a clean slate.

I think that actually covers all my reasons. I guess I didn't really have to number them or put them into list format, but I honestly thought I had more...

Anyway, we'll see how often I post on here. May my thoughts not make you want to gouge your mind's eyes out.

DCH.

Favorite Moment Of The Day So Far: When I was flush with having already worked out (Tae Bo), and sat down at my computer to continue breaking down Dollhouse (for the spec I'm going to write for it). I was freshly showered, my stomach was satisfied with a good breakfast of granola and raspberries, and the day was bright and shiny from my P.O.V.