Unemployed again.

So the Very Big Festival is over, and thus, so is my contract. It was fun, I liked the people I worked with, and I got to see 16 films and go to 5ish parties, so all in all it was a good job.

But I'm sort of glad it's over. It's not something I'd want to do full-time, I don't think. (But I was surprised how much the job didn't bore me - it mainly involved working with Excel and email, but I actually enjoyed it...)

Now it's time to recuperate from the sleep depravity and get back to writing; the only problem is that I didn't get to save much money this time around, so I need to find another source of income fast. And there's a full-time possibility that I'm not super excited about, but might have to take if it's actually offered to me...

One of the films I saw during the Festival was YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER by Woody Allen; in it, Josh Brolin plays a man who is a writer who showed some promise years ago, but hasn't done well since. He comes off as selfish because he just won't admit he doesn't have the gift and get a real job (he also went to medical school, though, so there's that).

Is that what I'm doing? Am I lying to myself and being selfish as my parents help me out again and again?

Maybe it's time to face the truth... It's been over a year since I graduated from Northwestern, and about a year since I moved to Toronto. It might not even be that I'm a bad writer, but the obstacles to making this my career have been so huge. Maybe I'm not strong enough to keep persevering...

Or maybe I just feel guilty about relying on my parents so much for so long, and would like to finally be a grown up...

I don't know. I'm going to keep working on LUCY GRIER, and will probably tear apart PSYCHE, and write another spec script (I'm thinking of FRINGE this time... I love that show).

But I might also take this job, which probably wouldn't give me much time to write (if any time at all). It might be time to settle...

I have a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.


DCH

Films I saw at the Festival and how I felt about them (in chronological order):

Friday, September 10th:

1. GRIFF THE INVISIBLE - Ryan Kwanten (who plays Jason Stackhouse on TRUE BLOOD) plays a shy man who is a superhero by night. He meets a cute, klutzy scientist (played by Maeve Dermody, whom I've never seen before but is brilliant) and they have a really sweet, awkward romance. It was pretty good for a first feature, but I can see why it wouldn't find wide distribution.

2. SUPER - Rainn Wilson (Dwight on THE OFFICE) is an ordinary guy who takes up a plumber's wrench and uses it to whack crime into silence. Probably Ellen Page's (from JUNO) funniest role (although there's one disturbing scene involving the word "gushy" that I couldn't watch), and Kevin Bacon (who doesn't know him?) makes a really good bad guy. Also the best opening credits ever.

Saturday, September 11th:

3. THE TOWN - Pretty good performances from John Hamm (Don Draper on MAD MEN), Jeremy Renner (from THE HURT LOCKER), Rebecca Hall, and Ben Affleck (who also wrote and directed the film) - but Blake Lively (GOSSIP GIRL) definitely was not right for her role. And it felt sometimes like the editor was trying to salvage some match cuts that didn't really match. Overall, I much preferred GONE BABY GONE, but this film will probably still make a lot of money at the box office.

Sunday, September 12th:

4. SUBMARINE - Written and directed by Richard Aoyade (who has had major TV success in the UK with his shows like THE IT CROWD), this film is of that sort of awkward British humour that I just love. Sort of like a Welsh cross between RUSHMORE and ABOUT A BOY... with just a little twist of NAPOLEON DYNAMITE thrown in for good measure. And Sally Hawkins (HAPPY-GO-LUCKY) plays the mother; she's pretty rad. :)

5. VANISHING ON 7TH STREET - Now, I love John Leguizamo (especially after ROMEO + JULIET and MOULIN ROUGE!), but he has made some pretty poor film choices. And this is one of them. I really regretted staying up to watch the Midnight Madness screening of this film. Really regretted it. Although Thandie Newton (CRASH) looked pretty stunning, both on screen and in person.

Monday, September 13th:

6. BLACK SWAN - Beautiful. Twisted. Dark. And Natalie Portman (GARDEN STATE) will probably be nominated for the Oscar for her role (I was shocked at her dancing!). As will Vincent Cassel (EASTERN PROMISES). And possibly Mila Kunis (THAT 70'S SHOW). But not everyone will like this film - it's an art film disguised as a major motion picture.

Tuesday, September 14th:

7. PINK SARIS - The only documentary I watched during the Fest, this is Kim Longinotto's latest film. It's about a woman who fights for women's rights in India, and the girls she sort of "helps." Really, really interesting. And the expression on this one girl's face as she's talked into getting married just haunts me.

Wednesday, September 15th:

8. BLUE VALENTINE - It stars Ryan Gosling (LARS AND THE REAL GIRL) and Michelle Williams (BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN). It's really heartbreaking to watch the state into which their relationship has crumbled. Lovely. One of the films I was most looking forward to seeing, and I wasn't disappointed.

9. THE HIGH COST OF LIVING - Small Canadian film starring Zach Braff (GARDEN STATE) and Isabelle Blais (a French Canadian actor I've never seen before, but who is spectacular). Has a similar theme to THE TOWN, in that it's about a man who commits a crime against a woman (in this case, a hit-and-run while she's pregnant), then starts a relationship with her without her knowing who he is - but I think it pulls it off much better. I'm really glad I saw it.

Thursday, September 16th:

* (doesn't count) DETECTIVE DEE AND THE MYSTERY OF THE PHANTOM FLAME - I did not actually see. This film, through no fault of its own, has the distinct honour of being the first I have EVER slept through. Ever. And I woke up at the end in time to see a giant Buddha statue falling onto a palace, and to hear my friends whispering in shocked awe about the kung fu fight that had taken place against a bunch of deer...

Friday, September 17th:

10. STAKE LAND - Starring Connor Paolo (of GOSSIP GIRL fame), this is a dark, post-apocalyptic film in which the world is overrun with vampires (who, in this case, seem like they're also some sort of cross-breed with zombies), and the main characters must trek to New Eden, where they've heard it's vampire-free. It looks beautiful, and there are some really great scenes (vampires dropped from helicopters!), but I think the one main thing it's lacking is for the goal to be stated plainly at the very beginning, so the stakes are higher whenever the characters hit an obstacle to that goal (it sort of just jumps into the action, and you have to infer what they're trying to do). But it's pretty good for a post-apocalyptic road movie about vampires :)

Saturday, September 18th:

11. CONFESSIONS - The Japanese selection for this next year's Oscar race, this is a semi-episodic tale of revenge. When a teacher discovers that two of her students are responsible for the death of her young daughter, and that they won't be held accountable by law because of their age, she takes matters into her own hands and finds a way to make them pay herself. The tale is told through a series of "confessions": hers, and several of her students'. Really well done (but also very bloody, so I wouldn't recommend it to everyone).

12. I'M STILL HERE - Casey Affleck's (from GONE BABY GONE) "documentary" (revealed to be more of a mockumentary by the time the Fest ended) about Joaquin Phoenix' (WALK THE LINE) decision to quit acting and become a hip-hop star. The day before I saw this, it was revealed that everything was a hoax - and at first, I was upset to know that going in, but it actually made everything funnier. Since we knew it was all a big joke, we could laugh at the awkward moments (instead of them just being awkward). But I still think it was too long. And there was way more random nudity, hookers, cocaine, and human feces on people's faces than I really needed to see.

Sunday, September 19th:

13. YOU WILL MEET A TALL DARK STRANGER - Classic Woody Allen, starring Josh Brolin (W.), Naomi Watts (THE INTERNATIONAL), Freida Pinto (SLUMDOG MILLIONAIRE), Anthony Hopkins (SILENCE OF THE LAMBS), Gemma Jones (BRIDGET JONES' DIARY), Antonio Banderas (SHREK), and even Anna Friel (PUSHING DAISIES). Worthy of a chuckle here and there, but ANNIE HALL is still Allen's best comedy.

14. MY ONLY SUNSHINE - I had to see at least one film from the City to City programme (which was Istanbul this year), and this was it. Haunting and slightly disturbing, poor Hayat's life is not a happy one. It left me with a lot to think about (especially because there are still a few moments I don't understand - perhaps they were lost in translation).

15. THE BIG CHILL - I know this one's an old film, but I'd never seen it and they were doing a free screening. But I missed the end because I thought I had to rush out for my next film 5 minutes before this was over. Turns out I was mistaken. Oh well - I'll just have to get it from my local library!

16. BEGINNERS - Ironically, the last film screened at the Festival - but the best way to end it, I think. Starring Christopher Plummer (THE IMAGINARIUM OF DR. PARNASSUS) and Ewan MacGregor (MOULIN ROUGE!), it was a touching story about a son whose father came out of the closet only a couple of years before his death, leaving him with the need to search himself as well. Mélanie Laurent was beautiful, too (*weird side note: when she first appears in the film, wearing a wig and unable to speak, I thought she looked oddly like Brittany Murphy, the actor who passed away last year...)

Films I didn't get to see but had tickets to: THE BUTCHER, THE CHEF, AND THE SWORDSMAN; THE FIRST GRADER; YOU ARE HERE; THE SOLITUDE OF PRIME NUMBERS

Film I still want to see that I didn't have a chance to see: NEVER LET ME GO